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Appendix 3.

CHAPTER 1

About my ancestors and family

Sept 28th 1827

The time of my departure being at hand, I feel inclined to commit the little I know about my ancestors, with a short history of my life for the satisfaction of my children.

My father's father was born Sept. 29th 1700. His father was Thomas Roberts. While he raised his children he lived as a tenant part of the time at Bwlchyrhaidd, and part at Llwydcoed in the parish of Aberhafesp, Montgomeryshire, North Wales. Carried on the flannel business pretty extensively. Always perhaps since he kept house had preaching in it by Calvinistic Methodists and Dissenters. Among others, Daniel Rowlands, Howell Harris, Lewis Rees etc. preached often at his house. Notwithstanding that ministers and religious people were prevented in those times I never heard any favourable account of him as one that gave evidence of true piety. By attending to the flannel business in towns etc. he often made too free with strong drink. He was industrious, kind and cheerful in his family, in moderate circumstances. He died in the year 1777.

His father's name was Randle Roberts. My grandfather had a brother of the name of Randle who had a son and a daughter of the name of David and I think Mary. They were not very religious characters. My father's mother's name was Joice who together with her sister - the wife of Richard Watts - were considered pious women by my father and members of the Dissenting Church who met at Bryngroes, and now at Bwlchyffridd My grandfather raised nine children, eight of whom were married. Grace, who was married to Lewis Griffiths, Francis, (these I think were considered pious characters, they died before I can remember); Thomas, Evan, Elizabeth, Sara, Martha, John and Margaret.'

Thomas, I think joined the Dissenters when young, was considered a pious man, but often lost his way by drinking. He lived since I can remember at Rhiwdyfeity in the parish of Trefeglwys, had preaching often at his house, raised four children, viz. Mary, Edward, Evan and Grace. Mary went to London when young, and became the second wife of Uncle John. Edward and Evan did not do well. Grace, by the last account I heard of her was a member with the Calvinistic Methodists. My uncle was a good scholar, skilled in drawing instruments of writing, and a good poet. He died between the age of 85 and 90.

My grandmother (Joice) died at my father's (Evan) soon after my grandfather, aged I think 77, and Aunt Elizabeth went to London before I can remember. I think she was never married. I remember to hear letters read from her which breathed a spirit of piety.

Aunt Sara, wife of Edward Rees, lived near Llanidloes. She and her eldest daughter were members of the Methodist Church.

Martha attended and lived with her parents as long as they lived, had an illegitimate son about my age who turned out to be a smart boy. She was afterwards married to Richard Lewis, and had one daughter called Joice.

John went to London before I can remember, was married twice, did well. I do not know he raised any child.

Margaret was married to Matthew Corbett who was rich, he died leaving her a widow with four small children

I do not know that either of the last three ever made a profession of religion.

My father, Evan Roberts, spent some of his time in going after the course of this world, but was called early into the vineyard. He was born Sept. 29th 1729 (old style). He had joined the Dissenters before he was married I think. He was married in May 1759, raised seven children by his first wife, Elizabeth, Evan, John, George, Grace, Mary and Margaret, buried an infant daughter before I can remember who was between Evan and John, and another a few days before my mother (Mary Green). Had three daughters by his second wife (Elizabeth Matthews), Elinor, Sara and Ann. Ann died when four years old in consequence of a scald.

My father lived as a tenant first on a little farm called Tyn-y-coed in the parish of Llanllwchaiarn, then moved to a place called Hendyn or Bronwylfa in the parish of Mochdre, perhaps in 1765, lived there nine years, then went to a little farm called Gwynfynydd in the parish of Llanwnog, lived there fourteen years, then moved to Dolgadfan Mills in Llanbrynmair, lived there several years, then moved to a little house of his own and died in 1813, in the 85th year of his age.

He was industrious, carried on the flannel business, was always until I left Wales rather embarrassed in his circumstances, but after I left Wales (in 1795), became quite comfortable, left something very considerable toward the support of his wife and to his daughter at the time of his death. He was married to his second wife Elizabeth Matthews, I think in 1780. His house was always a house of prayer.

1835

My mother was a daughter to 'George Green" who lived as a tenant since my mother was a child, on a farm called Scafell in the parish of Llanllwchaiarn within a mile and a half of Newtown, and died there about the year 1783. He was a very moral man - attending the parish church very regular, although the churches of Newtown and Aberhafesp were nigher to him. He prayed in his family every Sunday night out of a book and repeated a long prayer (a form) after lying down every night; he was in good circumstances, had some hundreds of pounds on interest besides his stock on a large farm, was very respectable in the neighbourhood where he lived.

My mother's mother died before I can remember. My father believed that she was a very pious woman. She was nearly related to a religious family in Llanwyddelan of the name of Phillips, who are now very numerous and respectable, chiefly all members of the Calvinistic Methodist Society.

My grandfather had a brother of the name of Mathias Green, had several children in London doing well, but he was intemperate. I have no knowledge of my grandfather having only five children viz. Margaret, 'Mary" (my mother), Elizabeth, John and David. David died a young man before I can remember, and was thought to be pious. Margaret kept her father's house, I suppose, for 20 years, at least until her brother John was married to Hannah Lewis, a very worthy pious woman. Margaret then rented a small room at Tanrallt, lived there a year perhaps, and then was married to Matthew Davies, Garthpool, Llanwnog, a widower having three children perhaps about the year 1800. She lived a few years after him with some of her relatives in Llanwyddelan and died triumphantly. My brother wrote to me about the time of her death and said he had been but seldom, if ever, at the death bedside of any person who enjoyed more real comfort. She, however, through her life was a woman of eminent piety. Soon after her removal to Garthpool she was the means of opening the door of that house for the preaching of the Gospel to Methodists, Independents and Baptists, which continued during her residence there, and a Methodist Society was soon formed there which I believe continues to this day.

John Green was considered a pious man, a great reader of religious books, went but seldom to the parish church with his father, attended whenever he had the opportunities which was not very common, was married about the year 1775, had three small children, and died perhaps about the year 1780 or 1781, in consequence of a severe cut from a sickle. His children's names were George and Mary. Mary died many years ago. I think I was told she gave evidence of piety. I do not recollect that I heard anything of John since he was a child. George was some years ago engaged in the malt business in Newtown, gave but little evidence of piety, was wealthy but inclined to intemperance.

Elizabeth Green was married to William Newell the same day that my father and mother were married, they lived a great part of their lives at Alltyffynnon in the parish of Aberhafesp, but moved to Vachen in the same parish about the year 1782 or 1783. They raised seven children, viz. - Richard, Elizabeth, George, Jane, Margaret, William and John.

Richard was married to Bridget Phillips, a cousin to his mother, commenced living at Alltyffynnon, and in a few years removed to farm called Bryn in the parish of Llanwyddelan, they were both respectable members of the Methodists. He was of a quiet disposition, seldom ate a meal without having a book at his side to look into. With small advantages he had acquired pretty extensive knowledge of Philosophy, Astronomy, History, Algebra, Mathematics, etc., but above all he was eminently pious, he died about the year 1800. He had I think only three children, a son and a daughter. I know nothing of his daughter, his son is I believe much of his father's disposition. Preaches in Welsh and English among the Calvinistic Methodists with acceptance, and is a very active intelligent useful man.

Elizabeth Newell was a weakly woman, was married at an advanced age to Richard Arthur of the parish of Carno. I believe she had no child, and died three or four years ago. She was always of a quiet reserved disposition and was, I believe, considered pious.

George Newell was of a rash thoroughgoing disposition, was married when young to one of the name of Oliver, has lived the greatest part of the time since he was married in the parish of Bethys (Bettws), is worthy. One of his sons is engaged extensively in different branches of mercantile business, and was considered wealthy ten years ago. I have not heard of him since,

I have never heard of the father having made a profession of religion, nor have I heard anything immoral in his conduct. Religious people are his friends, and I am informed that he has built a meeting-house near his own house at his own expense which is open to all denominations of professing Christians.

Since the above was written I have been credibly informed that Richard Newell walked in the darkness having but little light respecting his gracious change until within a few weeks of his death, when the Sun of Righteousness arose, dispelled all his doubts. He spent the short moment of his days in the triumph of faith and died rejoicingly in the God of his salvation. His daughter died suddenly as a child.

Jane Newell spent several years of the early part of her life in service, had extraordinary wages as the housekeeper of several gentlemen both in London and in the country, saved a considerable sum of money. During this time her mind became deeply exercised about the salvation of her soul, and from that time became a decided and exemplary Christian, and continues so far as I know into this day. She is married to a distant relative of the Phillips' family, lives with her husband on a farm called Llanfair, and is a member with her husband of the Independent Church meeting at Llanfair and Penarth, has no child.

My mother died in the year 1777, aged 43. I was between 8 and 9 years old at the time, my recollection of her is but small. I think I never knew any person more skilful than she and her sister Margaret were in learning children. I believe she learned all her children to read with propriety in the Bible before any of them went to school, and it was her common practice when any of the children asked for victuals to make them spell perhaps 'cupboard" and 'bread" and 'cheese" or a few other words before she would comply with their requests. I do not think it is a common thing for so much love to exist between a husband and wife as what existed between her and my father. She was calm, patient and kind in the family, and often spoke to the children with tears concerning their eternal salvation and respecting the thongs prayed for by my father in the family.

My brother John has written that he slept a night with her when about 4 years old, that when they were in bed she spoke to him about the concerns of the soul and that the impression made upon his mind at the time was never erased. Thus I consider and believe that my father and mother were evidently pious

They had preaching in their house by Independents, Methodists and Babtists (sic) since they kept house until my father moved to Dolgadfan Mills near the new chapel where the preaching was carried on and not in the houses, and great were the advantages of his children in having opportunities to hear the Christian conversation (besides the sermons) that took place between my father and ministers that came to our house, and not a few of them spoke to us children very seriously about the concern of our souls and prayed earnestly for our salvation. I heard my father relating his experiences to ministers and others who came to our house, but never heard him expressing any doubt respecting his eternal state.

His circumstances as before mentioned for many years after the death of my mother were much embarrassed. He had often reference to this in his family prayers in a way that his family understood as they were acquainted with his difficulties. At these times he always appeared to have no desire and manifested the greatest concern lest he should by his debts, or in any other way, bring reproach on the ways of religion.

In a short memoire of my father's life published in the "Dysgedydd" for May 1831, my father was observed, raised seven children by my mother, and two daughters by my step-mother Elizabeth, the eldest (born Feb 10th 1760) became serious when young and united with the Independents who met at Bryngroes. When my mother died she was between 17 and 18 years of age. She kept my father's house for two and a half years until his second marriage, during this time she would often speak to us children about our eternal interests with much seriousness and many tears, and would sometimes pray with us in our father's absence. She was married to Richard Lewis, I think, in May 1784, had two sons, Richard and David, the former of them now a Justice of the Peace now in Ebensburg; the latter of them Pastor of the Presbyterian Church at Ebenezer, Indiana County, Pennsylvania, both of them very respectable in the situation in which they are placed

My sister Elizabeth prayed alternately with Caty Harry in the family at Winllan when their husbands were from home at work. I knew but few females so skilful in conversing seriously with all sorts of people. She would introduce serious conversation with the most careless. and there were but few of this description but would shed tears which she mixed with her own before they parted. She knew how to speak a word in season to young professors or persons newly awakened. Thus she continued I may say a burning and shining light till the summer of 1789 when she died of a contagious fever that prevailed in the neighbourhood after about two weeks illness in the thirtieth year of her age. Very little can be said of the state of her mind during her illness, as she was a great part of her time out of her senses. Her husband (Richard Lewis), who was considered a pious useful man, died of the same complaint in less than two weeks after her.

Brother Evan was born June 11th 1762. He could learn with facility anything that he had a wish, was not of a kind disposition among the children. When he arrived at the age of perhaps 15 or 16, his mind became serious, he attended meetings and societies, and continued so for some years. At this time he served as a hireling for some time at different places. I think he served two years at Scafell in the latter of which uncle John Green died. When perhaps 20 or 21, he engaged in the flannel business, and did I think pretty well for some time, but by degrees he became careless about religion and fond of vain company, and went on from one step to another until he became a drunken, fighting profane character; as might be expected he soon became involved in his circumstances and I think in 1785 fled to London out of the way of his creditors, leaving debts to a considerable amount unpaid, my father being engaged for some of them - whose circumstances were much straitened before, became very much hurt by him.

When he went to London, he was for several weeks that he could not get employment, was robbed of a few shillings he had in his pocket. He had some relations there, and while in the house of one of them, a letter came in from one of his relations in Wales giving an account of his late and bad conduct, and warning them to take care of him.

At this time he was made to know what was hardship. He often complained before, but now he was made to feel. He did but little work for some years before he left Wales, but rode in style from town to town and from place to place, attending - at least pretending to attend - to the flannel business, often attending balls and places of dissipation; his relations and others expostulated with him about his conduct, he complained much of their unkind behaviour on this account. I remember once a short time before he went to London, when I and brother John and he were in bed together, John made some remark respecting his conduct that he did not like, he soon began to complain that we were all unkind to him, that he could do nothing but we could find fault with, etc. and often made use of the words "I never saw the like". John after listening for some time said "You never saw the like! Well I shall wonder if you do not see things yet in a short time that you never saw the like" And so it turned after he went to London, instead of galloping a fine horse about, he had to engage in the first place as a cheese-monger's porter to carry heavy burdens of cheese from place to place. But a kind of providence had still his eye upon him. After being about a month in this place a fellow servant attempted to cause him to be turned out of his place by charging him falsely with dishonesty. But when the matter was investigated the man was discharged and my brother got his place, had his wages more than doubled, and was excused from the hard labour of carrying cheese on his back.

I think in less than a year he got into the employment of a tobacconist, and after perhaps a year or two he became serious and joined the Welsh Calvinistic Methodist Society, where he continued as I have reason to believe an active and a useful member until his death. He continued in the employment of the same man till the summer of 1796, and during this time he formed an acquaintance with a Judith - from Newcastle Emlyn, or its vicinity. In 1796 both came to Wales and were married. After remaining some weeks with their friends in Wales, they returned to London and lived there a few months, when he died - had no child. His wife, by all that I could ever learn of her, was a woman of eminent piety and highly respected by all who knew her. She was afterwards married to a Currier of the name of Joshua Hughes, and lived with her husband keeping a tavern in Newcastle Emlyn not many years ago.

I never saw my brother Evan since he went to London. It was the year after I came to this country that he came to Wales and was married. By all that I heard of him, I believe he was the last year of his life eminently pious and useful. This was the Lord's doing and it was marvellous in the eyes of all who knew him. O! that men ... ... etc.

I expect a memoir of the life of my brother John will be published in a short time. I will try to get a copy for each of my children. I think it unnecessary to say but little about him here. He was born Feb. 25th 1767, appeared from a child to be more thoughtful about eternal things than children generally are., never showed any disposition to go after the course of the world. When 17 years of age he went to live as an hireling to his cousin Richard Newell to Alltyffynnon, continued in his service for two years, then went to Llanbrynmair, hired with Richard T. Evans in May 1786. United with the Independent Church there in the fall of the same year, continued in the service of R.T.Evans I think for three years and a half or nearly four years, until he commenced preaching in the fall of the year 1789. He commenced his studies in the spring of 1790. Spent some time with the Rev. A. Tibbott at Llanuwchllyn, and with Rev. Dr. Williams at Oswestry. After spending some time at Oswestry resigned his offer as a teacher, and the institution as removed and committed to the care of Rev. Jenkin Lewis.

My brother, after having remained four years under the care of Williams and Lewis was called by the church at Llanbrynmair to assist their Rev. and very worthy pastor Mr. Richard Tibbott in the spring of the year of 1795, and after some time (I do not recollect how long) he was ordained as co-pastor with Mr. Tibbott who died ------ when the care of the church devolved upon him, and he continued in the discharge of the duties of the pastor of the said church until his son Samuel had finished his studies and was called, and after some time, ordained by the said church as the assistant and co-pastor of his father. I think my brother continued to be much beloved by the ministry and churches around until July 1834, when he died after an illness of 3 or 4 months, in which he was not entirely confined to his house, in the 68th year of his age.

I do not think he was a very popular preacher, but perhaps there are not many that lived so long and gave less cause of offence or scorn to his brethren than he did. His oldest daughter Maria lives with her husband on a farm near Barmouth, Merionethshire, has six sons. She united with the church at Llanbrynmair when young, and has I believe walked worthy of her vocation hitherto. It is said that she gives every satisfactory evidence of piety, is very faithful and useful in the Sunday Schools, and was from a child peculiarly disposed to be kind to the poor

The eldest son, Samuel is I believe respectable in the ministry. His son John is about finished his studies at the Academy at Newtown . By the little that I have heard of him I think his gifts in the ministry are rather more popular, especially amongst the Welsh people, than either his father or his brother.

Anna is married to Richard Jones, Tymawr, as one son; and Richard is at home with his mother attending to the farm. They are both I believe members of the Church. I never heard anything disagreeable of either of them.

I ought to have mentioned that I think my brother was married about the time he was ordained to Mary, daughter of Richard Brees, farmer of Coedpryfydau, was united with the Church at Llanbrynmair when young, gave always satisfactory evidence of piety, and was always an excellent manager of her affairs in the world. Perhaps her besetting sin in the early part of her life was that she was too much attached to the world, but it is believed that she has been enabled for many years in a degree to lay this weight aside.

Sister Grace was born Dec. 24 1770. Lost her mother and went to service when young, served perhaps four years in Llanwnog and Aberhafesp, then came to live as an hireling with good old John Evans, Coedglyniaen, Llanbrynmair, when a little more than 17 years of age. United with the Church of Llanbrynmair the same year, served in different places until 1792, when she married John Evans, a respectable member of the Calvinistic Methodist body.

Soon after they were married he became a teacher of one of the free schools in Wales, which were established chiefly by the instrumentality of Mr. Charles, Bala. About the same time he learned the trade of Bookbinder, a business which he attended to with school-keeping, and which was a help to him to support his family.

At the call of his brethren he commenced preaching in the year 1796 or 1797, and continued to preach with acceptance until the spring of the year 1807, when he started with his wife and three children toward America. He and his three children died on the sea.

Sister Mary was born (?1773). I think she was when a child more thoughtful about her soul, and more given to read religious books than many of the other children. When sister Elizabeth was married in 1784 and came to Llanbrynmair to live, Mary came with her, being then between 11 and 12 years old, still appearing attentive to the one thing needful, was one of 23 who united with the Church at once in 1787, and married to Richard Williams, who was a Methodist preacher; pretty soon after they were married they went to live in their own farm (Weeg in Llanbrynmair) where they continued until his death June 20th 1820?

CHAPTER 2

About my own life

I have long delayed what I intended at the commencement of this scribble, viz. to commit to writing a short history of my own life. I intend now to make a beginning, not knowing whether I shall ever finish.

I was born Feb. 11th 1769 at a place called Bronllan, in the parish of Mochdre, Montgomeryshire. In 1774 my father moved to a place called Gwynfynydd, in the parish of Llanwnog. My mind was seriously impressed with eternal things at times when very young. If I considered myself in any danger from bulls, dogs or by being alone after night, I would pray very earnestly for deliverance; and at times when very young was much terrified with the fear of Hell. When I was, I should suppose, about 10 years old, I heard my eldest sister relating to some person how her mind had been exercised with fears that she had sinned against the Holy Ghost. I do not remember that I had ever heard of this sin before. By the conversation I understood this sin to be a sort of blasphemy against the Almighty. At this tender age I was tempted to curse my Maker, curses and blasphemies came as it were into my mouth at times, something similar to what John Bunyan relates when the words "sell him - sell him" were forced upon him that it was with difficulty he could keep his tongue from pronouncing them. This temptation followed me at times when alone for half an hour at a time, for perhaps a year as far as I can recollect.

When these assaults on the enemy came on, the only remedy that I had was ejaculatory prayer. I do not know that I ever since neglected secret and ejaculatory prayer altogether. At this early age when I was not more than 10 or 12 years old I was thoroughly convinced of the necessity of being born again, and also that I was in an unregenerate state, and would be forever miserable except I was made the subject of such a change.

I suppose that if I ever should experience such a change it would be by hearing some powerful sermon, or by some extraordinary dispensative of Providence, and that my wicked disposition would be all slain at once,, and that I should have the same strong inclination to that which I then felt which was bad.

I thus continued under the authority of my father pretty moral until May 1786, being then upwards of 17 years of age. It is true that I sometimes felt a desire for liberty to join with my young acquaintances in Sabbath breaking etc. and did join with them as far as I could escape the eye of my father.

At 17 years of age I left my father and was hired for a year with a Richard Owen, in the parish of Carno. I was then somewhat like a lad let loose out of a cage. I ran greedily with the multitude into all the sins that are common for boys of that age, viz. card playing, kicking football, singing obscene songs etc. on the sabbath or whenever I had an opportunity.

I always feel ready to tremble when I think of the manner I spent two years at this time. It is indeed a wonder that I am not ever since with the rich man crying I am tormented in this time. Surely I am a brand plucked out of the burning.

A short time before I left my father in 1786, I was sent with that excellent man Rev. Jenkin Lewis, Llanfyllin to direct him from my father's house in Llanwnog to Trawsgoed in the parish of Carno. He spoke very seriously to me on the road and I think prayed for me at the commencement of the meeting at Trawsgoed; a deep impression was then made on my mind, but it soon wore off. In the course of the following year I often heard Mr. Lewis made enquiry about me, but whenever he came to preach in the neighbourhood I was careful to keep away. I cannot describe how much I was afraid of seeing him, however, I think it was may 1787 I met him accidentally on the road near Glanhanog, I cannot possibly describe the terror I felt in meeting him, we spent perhaps half an hour together, he said but little to me, he embraced me as if I had been his child, said he feared in his heart that his boy was ungodly and appeared indeed too sorrowful on my account to speak. The interview had a very deep effect on my mind, and although I spent a year afterwards in following the same inclined courses which I had the year before, yet my conscience was more awake continually roaring after me like a bear robbed of her whelps.

There is some notice taken of these circumstances in a sketch of the life of Mr. Lewis in the "Dysgedydd" and a mistake respecting my age at the time.

I accompanied him to Trawsgoed, and that Mr. Lewis alighted from his horse when he met me on the road. Mr. Lewis had no horse, but was walking at the time. It is impossible for me to describe the state of my mind during these two years. I was fully convinced all the time that I was on the broad road to destruction. I did not altogether neglect secret prayer.

I remember once when going to meeting I withdrew from my wicked companions, went to some secret place to try to pray that God would bless the preaching of his Gospel to effect that change that I was convinced was necessary before I could be happy after death. I tried to avoid the company of serious people, yet if any of them would speak seriously with me I always loved them. Whenever I saw young people appearing to be pious, I envied them and would have freely given a thousand worlds, if I had them, for being in the same state. I would often shed tears when they spoke to me, and form the strongest resolutions that I would not follow the same courses and companions any more, but in less than an hour after forming the resolutions, if the temptation came my way, if I met one or two of my old companions I would join them in singing vain, obscene songs, in profaning the Sabbath etc.

Having lived about 15 months in the parish of Carno, and finding that I was unable to withstand the temptations that fell in my way from vain company like myself, I removed from Carno to my father who then moved from Llanwnog to Dolgadfan Mills, Llanbrynmair, thinking that by removing from my old vain companions in Carno into a neighbour where I was an entire stranger I could avoid such company thereafter, but I think I was not more than a week in Llanbrynmair until I found myself bound so fast in the embrace of vain company as ever I had been.

Thus I went on sometimes attending to my father's kiln alone I would try to pray, but thinking that I had so grieved the Holy Spirit that the day of Grace had passed and that I had committed the unpardonable sin, etc. I thought that the Lord would have nothing to do with such a rebel, thus I would roll in the greatest agony in the kiln. Yet if one or two of my companions came into the kiln, I would join them at once on playing cards, singing obscene songs, or anything else that was thought of.

In March or April 1788, my father hired a young friend of my acquaintance, a Thomas Jones, for a year to commence about the 12th May. This young man had descended from religious parents, and was religiously educated like myself. We had had sometimes serious talk together. This afforded me great pleasure. I thought that when he came to live with my father, we would go together and join some branch of the Church of God. But before the time came that he was to live with my father, he died quite suddenly, without half an hour of sickness. I do not know of anything that made so deep and lasting impression on my mind. I knew that whatever his state of mind was, if I had died at the time I would have been with the rich man in torment. I, at this time, entirely forsook my old companions, took the people of God for my friends, told them how my mind was exercised, attended their societies, but my mind was for several months almost in a state of despair. My views of the nature of true conversation were, that it was something that would at once turn the stony heart in a pool of water, or the stream of a river to run the opposite course.

I still attended the means of Grace whenever I had an opportunity, expecting (if there was a possibility for such a rebel to be saved) to feel such a change taking place. Some, who began to attend the society the same time, were soon brought to rejoice in hope of the Glory of God. But my complaint remained, I felt the very same, so full of guilt and fear at first I came. I was sometimes cast down entirely by thinking of the doctrine of election. I thought if I was not elected I had no chance, that I could not change the decrees of the Most High.

I often thought of running away headlong, I did not care where. I remembered of an association of the Calvinistic Methodists, beginning the next day at Bala. I thought that if I had company I would go there, to see if I should there be made the subject of the imagining change above mentioned, etc. I do not know that I ever determined anything more firmly, than that if I did not meet with such a change at Bala, I would run away, I did not care where.

I happened accidentally that evening to meet a pious man going there. I went with him, and had much conversation with him and other pious people on the road in going and coming. But during the exercises at Bala, while there were thousands of people jumping around me, and praising God, my heart was like a piece of nether millstone. I do not recollect that I had any intention, after coming home, of running away as I intended.

I have now the memoirs of good old Joseph Eastburn before me., and cannot find words to express the exercise of my mind at these times, better than adopt the words of that eminent Christian -' "About this time" " says he, ' "I received a letter from my brother in New York, in which he informed me he had been and soul concern for some time, and had obtained comfort . I then began to think that the Lord dealt hard with me, and I was displeased with his sovereignty. The ninth chapter of Romans filled me with discouragement - That it was not of him that willeth, or of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy - I feared I was not elected and therefore would be lost after all. I went to the Episcopal Church, and when they read prayers, and thanked God for their creation, my heart replied - I do not, for I wished I had never been born, and often wished I was a brute, a stock, or a stone, rather than an accountable creature. I found fault with the imputation of Adam's sin, and that through his fall we were rendered helpless and yet condemned. My wicked heart rose in horrid rebellion, and would wish there was no power that could punish in hell forever. I continued a long time in this state of mind, and found truly that the carnal mind is indeed of Satan, and began to wonder that the Lord did not strike me dead, and fix my place among the friends in hell from my dreadful rebellion against this awful majesty.

In harvest the same year (1788) I worked in a harvest at Tymawr with my worthy old friend Johnah Jones. He asked me, among other things, whether I had any thought of putting myself under the care of the Church of God. I told him '"I had not"", and wondered much that he asked such a question. I told him in substance to unite with the church, until I had some evidence of a gracious change. He told me that perhaps I had better put myself under the care of the Church of God, as I was, That things would not be brought about in the way I expected. I took the matter into consideration. I fully believed then, and am inclined to believe yet, that I was then in an unconverted state. I tried to enquire whether it was my duty to make use of the means of Grace, and I was still afraid of being drawn out of the way by my old companions, I thought that perhaps this might be a means of preventing them to draw me into their company. Thus when the first preparation meeting came (being about the last of September 1788, and about five months after the death of Thomas Jones above mentioned, being at the time between 19 and 20 years of age) I attended and endeavoured to lay my heart open to the Church, and left it to them to judge whether it was proper for me to be admitted to the Lord's table or not.

Contrary to my expectations, I was admitted, and commenced with my brethren the next Sabbath, still believing that I was not a child of God. By parting with a pious man (John Lloyd, tailor) in returning home, he told me that I would never be sorry because I had enlisted under the banner of Jesus Christ. I do not know that I gave him any answer, but the truth was that I was then very sorry from the bottom of my heart. I feared that I had eaten and drank Damnation to myself, that in this I had committed the greatest sin I ever had committed. (I do not think so now). I continued in very great distress of mind by day and by night, for about two weeks afterwards, when at one of our societies the question was asked -'"What was the difference between the saving operations of the Spirit of God upon the mind, and the exercises that were not saving?" "It was answered that the real Christian did all that he did for God and the hypocrite did all for himself

These words struck me like a dagger. It flashed across my mind that I had never done an act for God, or from a principle of love and obedience to him, that all that I had ever done was for myself, or from a principle of self love. I went home under a heavy load, slept but little all night, went to my loom next morning meditating upon my awful state, and something passed through my mind that I never felt the same either before or after. I thought my doom was fixed, my damnation sealed, and that I would never call the matter to question any more. I thought I saw everything in Christ that I could possibly want. Till then I found it impossible for me to believe as to remove any mountain, but now I had nothing to do but to cast myself as a fleeting sinner at the feet of Jesus. I never saw myself so filthy, more helpless, and getting fears of death and its consequences were entirely removed

What peaceful hours I then enjoyed. How sweet the memory still. I think I would walk in the light of God's countenances to the end of my journey, and indeed I did experience a happy time for days, weeks, and months, saying "Mi gana am waed yr oen" scores of times a day. Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his Holy Name.

I do not recollect of anything worthy of notice in the history of my life from the time above mentioned until some time after I settled with my family where I now live. Soon after we were settled here I found myself surrounded with Deists, Socinians, etc. I had heard of these sects before, and I thought I could easily answer any objection they could bring against what I had been taught to believe. In this I found myself greatly mistaken. They advanced many objections which I found myself unable to answer to my own satisfaction. The few settlers generally I believe (myself among them) left their first love by struggling with the difficulties of settling in the wilderness, and unhappily got into the way of disputing.

There were but few subjects in Divinity but were disputed among us. In one instance, when there were half a dozen of us together; the dispute was continued all night without a moment's sleep. At his time my mind became greatly perplexed not knowing in the world what to receive as truth. I felt at times a disposition to quarrel with the Almighty because he did not give us a revelation of his will in so plain a manner that it could not be misunderstood. These exercises were very painful to me at times for two years at least. I do not know of anything that I consider so beneficial to me in relieving my mind, and in removing this difficulty than the perusal of Fuller's Calvinistic and Socinian Subjects etc.

In 1802 or 1803 Mr. Lloyd asked me at one of our Societies whether ever I had ant serious thought of attempting to speak publicly by way of exhortation or instruction. I answered that I had not, that I never had any thoughts on the subjects further than that if Mr. Lloyd were somewhere removed it might be my duty to take lead in prayer-meetings. He then asked the members one by one whether they had ever thought that this might be my only duty. They all answered in the negative, with only one exception, but they all expressed their willingness that I should make the trial. I declined, first because I did not consider my general conduct such as became a public speaker on the all-important subject.

I came home with a conscience perfectly easy, and continued so until early in the spring of 1804. At this time the Lord of his infinite goodness visited a few families who were dispersed through the wilderness with a very precious revival. For my own part I consider that I never saw a religion in a more flourishing state anywhere. Our little meetings (although many who attended them were bare-foot) were none other than the house of God, and the gate of Heaven. On one of our sacramental occasions at this time, there being three or four English persons present, I felt for the first time an inclination to try to speak to them, and from that time my mind became exceedingly perplexed, feeling at times a strong inclination to make the attempt, and at other times a total want of the necessary qualifications. I cannot tell how my mind was harassed for at least 18 months. During this time I told no person of the exercise of my mind except my wife. I strove against the thoughts with all my might, fully believing that if I must engage in the work it would be the heaviest cross that I ever had to take up. I often thought and told my wife that I was fully satisfied that the work did not belong to me and that I never would think any more about it, and yet perhaps in less than 15 minutes my mind would be on the rock as before.

In October 1805 I opened my mind to our worthy pastor Mr. Lloyd, who brought the matter before the brethren who encouraged me unanimously to make the attempt and manifested all kindness and sympathy on the occasion that could be expected. Accordingly, I made the attempt and having obtained help of God I continued unto this day.

CHAPTER 3

About the kindnesses shown to me.

October 1846

I have often thought since I scribbled the above that I ought to say something about the kindness to me and mine during a long life. I have reason to say "Goodness and Mercy have followed me all the days of my life". When I was, I think, about 14 years old a gun fired involuntarily in the hand of a young man that stood a few perches behind me. I consider it a miracle that I was not killed on the spot.

The second spring after I came to Cambria I was much more in debt than my little property was worth. I continued considerably in debt for several years, and yet I never had a frown from any person from want of paying them what I owed them.

When I commenced speaking publicly my prospects were never so gloomy in temporals. I suppose I shall never forget a time when my mind was exercised about engaging in the work of the ministry. I tried to excuse myself by thinking that my circumstances were such that I had not time or books to study, or was even able to clothe myself decently in a way that I could appear before a congregation as a speaker. At that moment it came to my mind that Aaron had no inheritance. I thought that if the Lord would condescend to be my inheritance that I was rich indeed. I do not know that I felt more satisfied as to temporal things (although my prospects were gloomy) than I did for months at this time.

In 1807, our County was organised and two Associate Judges were to be appointed by the Government. Petitions were forwarded on behalf of several persons. I signed one of them myself. At this time it never had entered once into my mind of being appointed myself, but my worthy friend Rev. Rees Lloyd had spoken to a Rev. Mr. Sample who lived in Lancaster - the governor being in the habit of attending his ministry - on the subject. I was entirely ignorant of these proceedings until some time after when Mr. Lloyd spoke of the matter to me. I refused entirely to consent to a petition being forwarded thinking as I had commenced preaching that the office did not become a minister of the Gospel. Thus the matter was dropped for several months, the other applicants expecting their Commissions to arrive every day.

Thus after several months delay, a son of Mr. Lloyd had business to call with Mr. Sample who inquired the reason that a petition was nor forwarded, that he had spoken to the Governor on the subject, and believed if a petition were forwarded, that I would be appointed.

When young Mr. Lloyd came home, he and his father and several others renewed their expostulations with me for my consent to petition. I very reluctantly consented. The consequence is known. This brought me 140 dollars annually for 21 years.

In 1808 the agent of Mr. Rush, the original owner of the land, died, and appointed me one of his executors. It became my duty to collect and forward Mr. Rush's papers to him, Mr. Rush being an entire stranger to me. In writing to him on this occasion I recommended young Lloyd above mentioned as a suitable person to be his agent. I had never thought of being appointed myself until Mr. Rush, in a short time after, sent me a Power of Attorney, with instructions, etc. He, of his own accord, allowed me 20 percent of all the money I received from him. I have now acted under that Power of Attorney for 37 years.

By these dispositions of Providence was sought for by me, I was able to pay my debts, and to purchase and pay for lands that are mow worth $2,000 to support my family with a small degree of decency to raise my children, and to give them a very slight education, and to preach the Gospel almost freely according to the half one talent (for so I really consider it) which I received for a number of years in these new settlements where the people were not able to support a minister. In a great many other ways has Providence been remarkably kind to me and mine which it would be in vain to attempt to enumerate. "Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me, bless his Holy Name".

May 1850

In June 1806 was ordained and called by our Church to officiate as co-pastor with Mr. Lloyd. Was married at Llanerfil May 20 1795

CHAPTER 4

About my journey to America in 1795

June 14 1850

Some of my children have requested me to give some further account of our separation from our dear relatives and friends in Wales, and of our voyage over the Atlantic. In compliance with this request I remark that my attachment to my dear wife commenced, I think, in the spring of 1792, and from that time visited her occasionally until we were married as above (At Llanerfil May 20th 1795). For a long time before we were married we wished to see the way opening for us to emigrate to the U.S. of America, and in the spring of the year 1795 my friend Ezekiel Hughes made a bargain with the owners of some vessels on behalf of several who were so inclined to meet us, I think, at Aberystwyth at a certain time, and take us to Philadelphia.

At this time I and my wife agreed to have our banns of marriage published, but before the three weeks had elapsed something turned out, I do not recollect what, that the bargain became null and void. Thus we had published to the world that we intend to marry, but disappointed in our expectation of coming to America we had no prospect of a home or how we were to make a beginning to support ourselves as a family. In these circumstances we delayed marrying for some time after the banns had been published. At this time people began to talk. Some said that my wife rejected me, others that I rejected her. So we made up our minds to be married as stated above, our prospects being gloomy indeed. We planted a few potatoes and cut a few peats, but two or three weeks after we were married, Mr. Hughes made another bargain with merchants in Bristol for our passage on board the "Maria" which was to meet us at Carmarthen at a certain appointed time and bring us to Philadelphia.

On Saturday the 11th of July 1795 parted with our dear friends at Llanbrynmair, and started towards Carmarthen, stopped with our friends at Machynlleth over Sunday. Monday morning started again towards Carmarthen on foot in company with Edward Bebb, Richard Thomas, John Roberts, Owen Davies and wife, David Francis and his intended wife, Ann Rowlands, afterwards Ann Gwilym and Ann Evans. Mr. Hughes had gone before us, arrived at Carmarthen Tuesday morning having walked between 70 and 80 miles in two days.

When we arrived at Carmarthen we were told that the port of Carmarthen was not large enough for the "Maria" to enter, that we must go on to Bristol. My father forwarded our baggage to Carmarthen, I think they arrived on Wednesday evening. We made a bargain with a Mr. Hugh, the owner of a sloop to take us with our baggage on to Bristol. On Friday we took our baggage to Llong Mr. Hugh, about a mile out of the town saw a splendid boat on the river, and was told it was the King's boat, and that the press-gang were on board, the old commander crying after us '"You will be on board the King's boat before tomorrow morning." We put our baggage on board, and returning to town a crowd followed us, and among them, it is said, were one or two members of the press-gang. When we came to town, the sides of the streets soon became lined with people. We were much alarmed, and so were the people of the town. A store-keeper with whom we had some dealings, a brother to Rev. J. Griffiths "Ty Ddewi", appearing to be greatly alarmed, begged of us to hide ourselves, that if the press-gang laid hands upon us he believed that 3 or 4 thousand mob would be on their feet immediately. (it was then troublous times in Britain, the war being carried on between the British and French in that most frightful manner, very great dissatisfaction prevailing among the people on account of the war and the measures which were pursued by the Government, the necessaries of life very scarce and at a high price).

But to return to our trying circumstances. I had heard of the name of Rev. Mr. Peter, who was then a young man. I made enquiry of him, and he made his home with a Mr. Ross, a book-seller. I went into the bookstore and was told by Mrs. Ross that Mr. Peter was not at home. I made her acquainted with our circumstances. She had heard of them before. Indeed, all the town appeared to be in an uproar. Mrs. Ross manifested great sympathy. She said that Mr. Ross had made enquiry with the officers of the town and that they had told him that we were safe while we remained in town, but if we went on board that we were in danger of being taken by the press-gang..

It was then a day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness, but I do not remember that we once thought of returning back to our friends. At last we concluded that the males should go by land to Bristol, and leave the females with the baggage under the care of Wm. Hugh So the males started early on Saturday morning and walked 45 miles that day. On Sunday we attended meeting twice, and walked about 10 miles. We proceeded on Monday to a place called "New Passage" on the River Severn, waited on Tuesday morning some time for a passage across the river, and arrived at Bristol about 2 o'clock pm.

When we arrived at Bristol we were informed that the Llong Wm. Hugh was at a place called Llan-stephan near Llanbri at the mouth of the Carmarthen river about 10 or 12 miles from Carmarthen waiting for a fair wind. I wrote to Rev. Mr. Davies, Llanbri, with whom I had some acquaintance, requesting him to visit our women if they still remained at Llan-stephan and to charge them to remain where they were till the wind would favour them with a passage to Bristol as the baggage and provisions of our passengers generally together with other female passengers were on board, and that we could not possibly go without them. We gave them directions where to find us when they came to Bristol, etc.

They remained at Llan-stephan three weeks waiting for a fair wind, till Monday August 3rd (1795). They then concluded that they would wait for a fair wind no longer, and started on foot towards Bristol. The same day the wind became favourable and Llong Wm. Hugh started. Our women walked to Swansea, I think, about 20 miles, they understood that the wind had become favourable. They found at Swansea a vessel starting for Bristol, agreed for a passage and went on board. Our captain at Bristol understood that the wind had become favourable for Wm. Hugh and concluded to start with the "Maria" that he would meet Wm. Hugh on the Bristol Channel.

So the "Maria" started on the 4th August, and on the morning of the 5th we met Wm. Hugh with great joy; on approaching her we expected to see our women on deck, some of our fellow passengers saying "I see my wife" etc. But we could not see ours. It is easier to imagine than to describe our feelings when we learned that they were not on board.

Our captain demanded the baggage and provisions of Wm. Hugh who said and swore that he would not give them up until he had passed them through the Custom House at Bristol. Very bad language passed between them, but Wm. Hugh was as good as his word.

Our women arrived at Bristol about 10 o'clock on the 5th, went to our lodgings and were informed that we had started toward America the morning before. They had consultations with different persons, some said that the "Maria" was seen a hundred miles off, others said she was within 10 or 12 miles of the city; both stories were partly true, for she had been a great distance down the Channel and had to turn back to follow Wm. Hugh. The women agreed with a boatman to take them some distance down the river hoping to find the "Maria". They wandered all day on the river and returned in the evening without any further information.

I and Mr. Hughes went on board of Wm. Hugh and after waiting a great part of the day for the tide, arrived at Bristol about 11 or 12 o'clock at night. I went to our lodging and halloed - "dyna lais George". This was one of the most melancholy days that I remember to have spent in the world.

The next morning the 6th we collected our baggage and provisions, had them fixed on a boat and at 2 or 3 pm. boarded the "Maria" again and proceeded on our voyage. Many of us complained of the sea-sickness, my wife was very sickly (being pregnant during our passage) when the weather would be rough. We had 50 passengers, all Welsh except three. Mr. Lloyd and John Evans, a Babtist (sic) Minister preached alternately on the Sabbath in Welsh and an Englishman, a Mr. Ellis preached in English generally in the afternoon every Sabbath; he was not a very good character, he prayed generally on the quarter-deck in the fore-noon and in the afternoon the Welsh people went into a large boat that was on deck and read, sang and prayed; the sailors did not interrupt us except they passed a sneer occasionally. Those of us who were so inclined would sometimes withdraw to some convenient place and read "Gurnall Baxter", and others; and sometimes found it good I believe in these exercises to draw near to God.

Thus we went on slowly, the "Maria" being a slow sailing vessel, but said to be safe, having sometimes rough weather until the 27th. when we saw two "Men-of-War" pursuing us - they fired a cannon as a signal for us to wait for them, and soon were alongside of us; they were British, but put up a French flag in disguise. Two of their officers boarded us and went with our captain into thew cabin - remained there perhaps half an hour. It was a serious and gloomy time with us, not knowing who they were or what they would do with us; we were afraid if they were British that they would impress our males, and if they were French they would make us all "Prisoners of War", but their hearts were in the hands of our Heavenly Father, and soon after the men returned they halloed to us that we might proceed on our voyage

[The following spring a British Man-0f-War took 6 or 8 Welsh young men who were on their voyage to this country, and sent them as soldiers to Canada but they all pretty soon deserted and came to the U.S.]

We proceeded slowly till the 17th October (1795) when a violent hurricane came upon us, the vessel being in full sail - the sailors tried to let the sails loose to flow with the wind. I helped the mate to pull at a rope; he repeated as fast as his mouth could utter the words "G*d d*** my soul to H*ll", we had many gales that frightened us passengers very much, but nothing to be compared with this. The mate who was an old sailor said that he had never been in so great danger in his life. I believe it lasted only about 5 minutes. When all was over I could not recollect that I had once thought of the consequences of death, or sent one groan toward Heaven during the alarm.

On the evening of the 12th, I think, seeing signs of land, we hung a candle and lantern at the top of the mast, hoping that a Pilot would see us, and about 2 or 3 o'clock the news ran like lightening among us that the Pilot was alongside of us; many of us were soon on deck. It was a dark night, and it was some time before we could get him on deck; we had taken many of our sails down the night before; when the Pilot got one foot on deck he cried out "Hoist up the Gallon sail", "Oy, Oy" were the answer. I cannot describe how my heart was revived by hearing this shouted sentence, he told that we had about 22 miles to the capes at the mouth of the Delaware Bay. We proceeded slowly till about 9 or 10 o'clock, we then discovered land as it appeared to us rising about a foot above the face of the water; soon we discovered the tops of the houses in the village of Cape may, and as we progressed we could see the fields, the woods, the orchards, gardens, etc. these appeared to smile upon us.

We entered the Delaware Bay in the afternoon and about 9 or 10 o'clock the next day, Sunday the 26th we entered the River Delaware. It was a very fine day, the wind favourable, our ship in full sail. We passed New Castle, Willington and other villages, and rode up the river majestically and arrived at the wharf at Philadelphia about 10 o'clock pm. Saturday. On Sunday morning our friend Mr. Ellis asked leave of the captain to have prayers as usual - the captain answered "We do not want your prayers any more". A few miles before we arrived at the wharf, a doctor came on board to examine if there was any contagious disease among us, and pronounced us quite healthy. He looked cheerful and welcomed us to the American shore, told us that we might all get employment before breakfast next morning. Some of our men went ashore Sunday night but I did not go till next morning.

When I got on deck next morning there were pamphlets brought on deck and circulating among the passengers from their Emigrant Society, offering all the directions and assistance that lay in their power to those that were in affluent circumstances, but directed principally to the poor, the sick, etc. admonishing them not to be cast down or dejected, that the Society would afford them all medical and human assistance that was practicable, with directions where to apply in order to obtain all necessary assistance.

Soon after our arrival the wife of Owen Davis was taken ill, and died after 8 or 9 days sickness. Application was made to a Dr. Blainy (a cousin to old Squire Blainy of Tregynon) according to the directions above mentioned, he came a mile and a half every day to assist her, charged the Society a quarter of a dollar for each journey, which sum Owen refunded to the Society after some time.

We left Philadelphia for Cambria, September 20th 1796, wandered on foot along the road in the wilderness till November 19th when we had a small cabin of poles not larger than my thigh built, in which we lived pretty contented for two years, sometimes without a bit of bread in the house.

-- oOo --

The above has been variously transcribed from the manuscript of George Roberts (believed to be kept at the Cambrian County Historical Society, Ebensburg, Pa.). Copied in Sept. 1926 by Mr. Edwin Evans, Llanbrynmair, Montgomeryshire, Wales; Recopied by Joan Adams (Nee Ryall), Astbury Congleton, Cheshire in 1975 and edited by David Ryall, Chittlehampton, Devon in 2000. Joan and David Ryall are great-great-great grandchildren of George Roberts