Part 1 - A Dog's Life

Well, I guess I will begin at the beginning. My name is Star. I am a dog. I used to think I was a good dog because that is what my mother told me and then for the longest time I thought maybe I wasn't that good after all because noone seemed to notice me or care much at all. Well, except when I was in trouble. Now I know for sure that I AM a good dog and I can prove it but I am getting ahead of myself.

My first memory is of being with my mother and my brothers and sisters. We lived in a plastic swimming pool in the basement where my mother and her people lived. My mom loved all us puppies a lot. She bathed us and fed us and taught us what it meant to be dogs. My one brother would bully the rest of us sometimes but mother would pick him up by the scruff of his neck and shake him and growl a little which means, "None of THAT!" My mother's people also had a creature called a cat. Mother said that while cats are odd we should be nice to them anyhow.

Mother's owners were sorta nice but I do not think they were all that happy that she had puppies. Sometimes they would fight over it. The woman would yell at the man that it was his fault for not getting my mother whose name was Princess, spayed.( I asked my mother what that meant and she said that it meant that a dog could not have puppies. ) Sometimes the loud voices were scary and we would all cuddle up close together.

After a while we were allowed to play in the backyard. A boy that lived next door would come over and play with us too. I could tell that mother liked him a lot. We all liked making him giggle. The best way to do that is too all jump on him and lick him until he could not stand it anymore.

It was around this time that my dear mother told us that we would not live with her forever and that we probably all would have different homes. She knew this because we were not the first puppies she had ever had. She told us that when the time came we should be brave and we had nothing to worry about. Still, I could tell she was scared. I was scared too because I just didn't know if anyone would love me as much as my mommy and I knew that I could never loved anyone more than my her or my brothers and sisters.

The boy next door asked HIS mother if he could have one of us and then I realised that this meant that maybe I could stay right next door to home! I could tell from his face later that he was not going to be allowed to let one of us be his puppy. Water ran out of his eyes and I could smell sadness on him.

It was arranged that a man that worked with my mother's man-owner would bring his kids by to pick a puppy. There was a boy and a girl. The girl kept yelling really loudly "Sit" and pointing at us. We did not know what that meant. Then she picked me up and started squeezing me really hard and saying, "Daddy this one, daddy this one!" The boy kinda petted me but I do not think he really cared. Before I knew it I was in a car with the little girl holding me on her lap and I never saw my siblings or mom ever again. The girl wasn't bad when she was not screaming and squeezing and I began to fall asleep in her arms and think that maybe this could turn out ok.

Before I could get a good snooze going we pulled up into a driveway. The little girl carried me into the house. There was a tired looking lady that did not look happy to see me. Still the house looked like it had a lot of comfortable places to sleep. I was just beginning to find all the good spots when they made me move into the backyard because I wasn't "housebroken". I did not know what that meant at the time - all I knew was they expected something of me and I failed them. The man and woman yelled at me a lot and he hit me with somehing too - why did he do that? I must try harder to please them.

I was given a dog house that leaked and I could tell I was not the first dog to live there. I kept trying to sleep because I was tired but the girl kept dragging me out of my house and yelling that "sit" word at me. I still did not know what that meant.

For a while the people would come visit me and play with me a little but as time went by they visited less and less. And at first I had the whole backyard to play in but then they tied a rope around my neck so that I had to stay close to my house. Sometimes the boy and girl would play just out of reach with their friends and I wanted so badly to play too. I missed the games I played with my littermates and the little boy that I used to live next door to. I would go to the end of my rope and try to reach them and sometimes I would hurt my neck trying to get close enough. A few times I thought that we were going to play because one of the kids would come closer and then just as I got near them they would dance out of my reach and laugh. At first it was not so bad until I realised that I never got a petting at the end.

Sometimes one of the kids would come and pet me and I would get so excited that I would jump up and then they would yell at me and say that I was wild. I didn't know what to do because part of me wanted so badly to have some attention and the other half was scared because when I begged for attention people got mad and told me that I was bad. I got to thinking that maybe that was true.

The girl continued to yell at me that word - sit. Sometimes she would tell me to come to her too and I thought I had that figured out but as soon as I went to her and jumped up for some love she would get mean and in her anger would hit me. She began calling me Stupid and after a while I guessed that to be my name because the only other things they ever called me were The Dog or The Damned Dog. The way she said my name, Stupid, sounded like she didn't like me. I got to thinking that Stupid fit me just fine.

I started forgetting what it was like to cuddle. I no longer felt special and thought maybe my mommy was wrong to ever love me. At night I would hear noises coming from where the people lived. Forks and spoons clanging against dishes. People talking and laughing. Really good smells. I wondered if I so worthless that I did not deserve people because although I lived in someone's backyard I was not a part of them. Sometimes my ears would perk up when the tired sounding woman would say, "Did anyone feed the Damned Dog? I knew noone would take care of that Stupid thing. I suppose THAT is MY responsibility too?"

Then she would come out and I could smell anger all over her. She would dump some food in an overturned frisbee. And then she would get angrier when she saw that the old plastic bowl next to the frisbee had no water in it. She would pick up the bowl and kick me aside as she walked to the garden hose. The lady would fill the bowl and bring it back and fling it down. A lot of the water would soak into the ground but the water left in the bowl would taste so sweet and good on my tongue. Sometimes her kicks almost felt good because at least that meant she knew I was there.

After a while every day was so hot and the water in my dish did not last long at all. The sun hurt me as it beat down but it was also hitting my house and so it was really too hot to go in there. I panted so much I thought I would never stop. There were a couple days that I really think they all forgot about me and I received no water or food at all. I do not even think that they realised. Bugs kept biting me and I itched and itched. I knew that it hurt to scratch but it hurt not to scratch too.

Slowly the days cooled down but it wasn't long before it became really cold and snowed a lot. They tossed an old towel into my house. Sometimes my water would freeze over. The windows to the house where the family lived were closed and I could not longer hear or smell anything. I felt like I was invisible.

The neighbors hated me and said that I barked all the time. I guess I did. I just wanted someone to know that I was still alive. I wanted them to know that I would do whatever they wanted as long as they gave me another chance. I wanted them to know that I was sorry that I was not more special and that I wanted to please them and understand them. I wanted them to know that I didn't want to die without feeling someone hold me tenderly and tell me that I was a pretty girl once again. I wanted them to know that I had all the loneliness in the whole world contained in my heart. All they heard was me, Stupid, barking.

Through all of this there were a few highlights. A woman would come by with her dogs attached to special kinds of rope that I later learned were called leashes. I could tell these dogs were special - like I used to think I was - because of the way she treated them. One of her dogs would look at me and lower his front legs and stick his butt in the air like my littermates and I used to do when we wanted to play. I couldn't reach him though.

I could tell that this lady liked me because she would speak to me like she thought that I was worth talking to. She did not make me feel invisible. Sometimes she would throw biscuits in. I sensed that I made her sad. One time she brought a man with her and I knew FOR SURE that the dogs on the leash were special because the man loved them too. She and the man looked in at me and she said, "What should I do? They are not taking care of her. People like that make me sick. If I report them and they do not find enough proof to remove her I am afraid the people might punish her more" I did not know what all these words meant except from her voice I knew that she wanted to help me. If only she could.

Another time she was walking her dogs and the man that lived in the house was in the yard. He asked the lady if her dogs know any tricks. I could tell that the lady did not like him but she looked at her dogs and said "sit". She didn't yell it - she just said it. I still did not know what it meant but I knew whatever it was she was pleased with them. The man from the house pointed at me and said my name, Stupid. The lady suddenly smelled very angry but I do not think the man knew that. They talked for a while and the lady left.

Part 2 - Answering a Cry For Help

I had been walking my dogs by this yard for many months. There was always a puppy in it. No matter when I walked by the puppy was just sitting there - often next to an empty water dish and a chewed frisbee. Tied to a rope. I began to realise that the puppy's life consisted of a few feet of space and a weather beaten old dog house. I never saw any toys or treats. There were kids that lived there but I never saw them playing with the puppy. I asked them about the puppy and they said that her name was either Rachel or Shelby and they forgot what was decided. I was angry that these children were being raised with no regard for animals - not even their own.

One day the father stopped me when I was walking Cody and Shep and asked me if they know how to do anything. I showed him a few commands, all the time seething because I could see that poor nameless baby out of the corner of my eye. He told me that his dog was too stupid to learn anything and that is why she is not housebroken. I found that she was only in the house the first few days and that when she made a mistake they yelled at her and hit her with a newspaper. I tried to explain to him that dogs need to be taught what you want. I told him also that she could better guard his house ( a big concern for him) if she were indoors some of the time. I think it went in one ear and out the other.

I hesitated to call someone because I figured that with my luck they would show up after they had given the dog water for a change. Also a reprimand which is what I figured would happen, might make it worse. It became apparent to me to me that winter that I could no longer stay silent. The dog's water was frozen over for the third time and I had had enough. I had tried to school myself to forget about the little dog, to look the other way but my conscience would not allow me to. I felt like a hypocrite that spoke of her concern for animals but who did nothing when push came to shove.

I made the call anonymously as my heart beat loud and fast. Afterword I felt relieved but ashamed that it took so long.

Please God, let the little dog be ok.

Part 3 - The Letter of The Law but Not The Spirit

The people in the house sounded angry - especially the big people. I wondered if it had something to do with the man and woman that had been by earlier. They were nice to me and I could tell that like the lady with the dogs they cared. I was allowed in house for the first time since the beginning but that did not last and now I was outside again. The voices could be heard, even through the closed windows.

"I was never more embarrassed when those people showed up and acted like I did not know how to care for a stupid dog. I have had dogs all my life. Told me that they would be back to make sure that things had improved and told me the dog had to live indoors at least for the winter. I KNEW that mutt was going to be trouble. People should have better things to do than care what others do with their property."

"Well Deb, maybe we can keep her in the basement..."

"Where she will bark all day - I can hear her outdoors all day as it is! Isn't it enough I have to run after two kids all day and now I have to make sure that worthless dog is living high on the hog?"

'What EXACTLY would you like me to do?"

"Drop her off at the Humane Society if they want her so badly - I sure don't!"

"C'mon -the kids would have a fit. We will just shove her down in the basement at night."

"Do whatever the hell you want - you always do"

I heard a door slam and then quiet. After a few minutes the man came out and dragged me inside and then took me down some stairs. It was dark and I was scared. I crawled onto a pile of towels and shook. I could hear the people talking again and smell the food. Boy, am I hungry (and thirsty).

I finally fell asleep. I dreamed of my mother and littermates and running and playing with them. Wrestling under the warm sun. And then the little boy that I used to love was there and he let me give him all the kisses I wanted to as his chubby arms encircled me. The loving arms around me, the wind in my fur and my heart singing in joy because I was no longer lonely or alone were my last memories before I awakened.

A noise upstairs startled me awake and I began to bark. The door opened and the man yelled, "Shut up before I come down there and beat you" The door slammed shut again.

When the light started shining in some windows that were high up I started looking around and sniffing. There were some interesting smells. I went into a corner and relieved myself.

I heard the man's car start up and him leave. A minute later the woman came downstairs.

"Ugh, what is that smell? Is this the thanks we get?" She started to scream and I cringed. She was just so angry at me. I was so scared that I rolled over onto my back and exposed my throat and belly to her. I wished for death to come. Instead the woman threw me out the back door.

I was not tied up and had the run of the yard but I was scared to explore at first. Finally the lady with the dogs walked by. I was scared to approach them. Finally I shyly walked closer and I think the lady realised then that the rope was gone. She fell to her knees in front of the fence, right there in the snow, and called me over. Her dogs were giving friendly yips. I finally got brave and stuck my muzzle through the fence. She stroked it and I wished I could get closer 'cause it felt so good. The dogs moved in close and I jumped back but then I could tell that they were not going to hurt me. Our noses touched as we sniffed one another.

One of her dogs indicated he would like to play. He was one a leash that was magical - it would get longer and then shorter depending on how much he needed. He began running back and forth and then I knew he wanted me to run to - so I did! Back and forth, back and forth along the fence as fast as my legs could carry me! The lady was trying for her and the other dog not to get tangled but she was laughing. I forgot all my misery for a little while - how I wish it could be like that more often! But all too soon they left again. I could tell the lady was sad to leave.

As time went by I learned to look forward to them coming more than ever. The petting through the fence, the sniffing, and then the running back and forth when I was able to pretend that I was special. The nights were a little better too - at least I was warm in the basement.

The snow melted and then something happened that had had happened before. I did not feel good and all these other dogs wanted to get into the yard with me. They were all boys. Some would try to jump over the fence and one tried to dig under. I wanted to be close to them too but was scared at the same time. It made the woman angry and she said I was more trouble than I was worth and she was not going to deal with puppies and that something had to be done.

The man came out and tied me to the same old rope. I was more miserable than ever. A few days later he dragged me into the car. We drove to a building that smelled like all kinds of animals. We went in and I could hear lots of barking and some meowing. We went up to a big high counter and the man told the people that he did not want me anymore and that they could have me.

After a while a stranger took me away from the man and through some doors.

Part 4 - Beginning the Journey Home

I was put in a cage and over a period of time a lot of people came and visited. One person poked and prodded me and stuck me with something. Another person petted me and rolled me over and made loud sounds and introduced me to a kitty. I do not particularly like cats but this one was sort of cute and when she rubbed up to me I found myself wagging my tail. The person looked pleased. I think it was some sort of test. I have to tell you that the place was a little scary but the people were nice.

Later a couple ladies came in and took me out of my cage and into another room. They put me into this thing with knobs. They turned the knobs and water came out!! Then they rubbed some stuff on me and through my fur. They were very gentle and I liked the attention but I was not sure I was crazy about the process in general.

After they rinsed the bubbly stuff off one lady wrapped me in a towel and said, "doesn't that feel better" After she removed the towel I still felt oftly wet. I shook and water flew everywhere but they just laughed. WHEW! Then the put me in a cage with a thing that blew air until I was dry.

The next day they moved me to this place with rows of little rooms with doors that looked like big thick gates. They all had another little door that if I went through allowed me to see the sky. There were other dogs all around me.

Through my whole time there I got a couple meals a day and a lot of water. A couple time I spilled my water but noone got mad and they gave me more. Someone put a blanket in for me to lie on too.

People were around all the time. A lot of times they would walk by without stopping and I could tell they were busy. But a lot of time they visited me too. There were many different people but they were all friendly.

I got to go for walks around the outside of the building. REAL WALKS - like the kind that other dogs - SPECIAL, LOVED dogs went on. I liked to jump up on the people walking me to get their attention. They made it known that they did not think that was a good idea and I found out that I did not have to jump up to get attention anyhow. I found out that I really liked walks and wished I could go on more of them but the people were busy walking other dogs and taking care of them too. Also there was a room for cats and they needed attention too.

People kept telling me I was a good girl - noone had said that in a long time and I liked hearing it although I was scared that I would accidentally do something bad and then the petting and walks and food and water would stop.

I noticed people fell into two categories. There were people that were there to help out and work and other people that were looking for animals to become part of their family. I trusted the first group but not second. I did not think anyone would want me for a for even a little while - forget about for keeps. I did not like to go near my door when these people came in. Sometimes they would stop and try to get me to come over to them but I refused. I was not going to be hurt again, although to be honest, part of me hoped that these people would try harder to get to know me. But they all would leave and go to the dogs that ran up to meet them.

Then one day I heard a familiar voice say, "Oh my God," and I looked up to see the lady that used to walk dogs past the yard I lived in. She was wearing a shirt that said she was a helper. She knelt down and opened my door. I was shy but she spoke to me gently until I came closer and then she scooped me into her arms! It felt so good to finally be held by the nice lady! I could smell the scent of her dogs and other animals on her. It felt safe. She kissed the top of my head and I felt something wet. I looked and there was water on her cheeks - the water that appears when people are unhappy. What did I do to make her upset? When she spoke her voice was happy though.

"It really is YOU! You disappeared and I was so worried that something happened. I was scared to ask! I am so glad you are in a safe place. We are going to find you a good, good home - I promise."

She closed my door and I thought she had left but she came back with a leash! We went outside and found a place under a tree where we cuddled. She pulled out a comb and it felt so good that I rolled over on my back to make sure she got my tummy too. I trusted her not to hurt me. Afterwords she said I was a "Pretty Girl" Me!

After what felt like not nearly long enough she put me back into my little room. I whimpered as she walked away. I did not want her to leave. She knelt down on the outside and spoke to my softly. I did not understand what she said -I only knew she was going away. For a while every time I heard foot steps I thought it was her but she must have left.

I did not see her again for what felt like a really long time. I was so excited to see her though. She took me out on a leash again and combed me. Then she told me to sit. OH NO!! Now she was going to find out that I was a bad dog and did not know what to do! All she did though was say it again and pushed my butt down and tell me I was good! We walked more and every once in a while she would say it again and push my butt down and talk to me nicely - after a while it occured to me that when she said "Sit" maybe she wanted me to put my butt on the ground by myself. So after this went on for a while she said it and did not push my butt down - I was scared - what if I did the wrong thing and what if she wanted something else? So I slowly put my butt on the ground. The lady gave a little yip and her voice was all warm when she said, "Good girl, smart girl!! What a good, smart girl you are!" She hugged me and stroked me. I felt so good because I knew she liked what I did.

But again she left me that night. There was a part of me that was hoping she would take me home. Maybe she did not like me that much after all. She always did come back eventually though. When she saw me she would look happy and sad all at the same time. Her first words were always, "How's my Smart Girl?" I got to thinking that maybe my name was really Smart Girl which I liked much more than my old name.

One day as we walked in to the building there was a man, woman, and little girl looking at the other dogs.

Part 5 - A Family

"Do you work here?" The man was very tall, maybe in his mid thirties, a bit sad looking.

"I volunteer".

"What do you know about this dog over here?" He was talking about the shepherd mix across from the kennel where my little dog stayed.

"Oh, he is a sweet boy. He needs some obedience though. What are you looking for exactly?"

The woman spoke up. "It is not what we are looking for - it is Sarah's choice completely," indicating the pre-teen girl at her side who was not staring intently at the little dog. "She has been.. ill... and we promised her if - WHEN - she got better we would let her choose whatever dog she wanted. We got her books on different breeds and she spent hours on her computer researching. She decided that she wanted to come here to find her dog." I heard undiluted pride and love in the woman's voice.

I looked at Sarah and noted that she was thin, and pale, and wearing a baseball cap. Her gaze never waivered from the dog at my feet. Just maybe .... oh God please!

Sarah knelt down and extended her hand toward the little dog. The dog sniffed Sarah's hand, her posture stiff at first, ready to take flight at a moment's notice. The child slowly began to stroke the shy animal's head and even more slowly the dog moved in closer until she was leaning into the child's body.

I felt like I had held my breath for an eternity. My every heartbeat was a prayer for a happy ending.

Sarah spoke, echoing her father's words spoken earlier. "What do you know about this dog?"

"Well, I know she is just about a year old. Her last family did not treat her too well. She lived outdoors. Her chart says her name is Shelby but that can be changed. She is owner surrendered - her people said that she just did not fit in and that she was unmanagable".

Sarah looked long and hard at the dog. "I don't believe that."

"Good. In the time I have known her she has been the sweetest of dogs. Smart too!"

The girl moved to sit with her legs folded and drew the dog into her lap. I could tell that the little dog knew that the girl was not going to hurt her. "Poor Girl, obviously those people did not know what they had, huh?"

I heard myself saying, "Sarah, this has to be right for you. Noone should ever get a dog because they are pressured into it or because they feel pity. The only reason to get a dog is because the dog's heart speaks to your heart. If you want I will escort you through and answer any questions you have about any of these dogs. The decision is yours."

I heard the words and part of me was furious at myself. I KNOW that I could have convinced Sarah - she was more than halfway there already and I blew it. What made me SAY that?

Sarah looked down at the dog for a long while. When she looked up there were tears in her eyes. "I really appreciate you saying that but my decision is made. It was made right when I saw her. I could not look away. I could tell she had been through a lot but that is not the only reason I am taking her. My eyes were drawn to her for the reason I will always look for her when I come home for whatever time we have together - because she is my dog.

I could go around and look at the other dogs and I could go home and think on it tonight but in the mean time someone else might take her. If someone else took my dog that would really...," words failed her and I was reminded that in spite of the mature way she carried herself, which bespoke of how much she had went through, she was still a child, "that would really suck."

Suddenly she and I smiled in unison. "That WOULD suck, wouldn't it?," I answered. Ours eyes met and I knew that we understood eachother and I knew that the little dog had found her home.

"What do we have to do to spring her?" The man joked weakly trying to hide his feelings from the me - after all I was a stanger. Still the joy he felt in witnessing his daughter's happiness could not be hidden.

I explained to them the procedure. I reluctantly told them that the little dog could not go home until she was spayed. I could tell that Sarah was disappointed but she buried herself in the little dog's fur and I heard her whisper "That's ok - we will have plenty of time, plenty of time." In return the dog looked up and bestowed upon her a kiss. The kiss was gentle, tentative, and searching. It was a brave act because by it's nature it made the dog face rejection yet again. It was simple and yet complex -it made not a sound and yet carried with it the most important of questions, "Can I be yours? Please say yes because that is all I want - to belong to someone - to matter somehow."

I looked at her parents. "How soon can you - if I can talk them into it - how soon can you get her spayed?"

The woman looked at me with hope. "As soon as we can schedule it with our vet." I went and talked to the person at the front counter and begged and pleaded with them. I lied and said they were old friends and that I would vouch for them and finally I had them call the vet right in front of the staff member. I held my breath while they filled out the forms and you would have thought I won the lottery with how happy I was when I was told that everything was in order and that the little dog could go home that night.

I went to the little dog and gave her a big hug - as hard as I dared without hurting her - and I whispered, "You are going home."

I watched Sarah scoop the little dog up. In reality she never was all that little, she just seemed so and Sarah's father protested. I am sure he thought the weight of the dog would be too much for his frail looking daughter. But even from just knowing Sarah briefly I knew that she had a strong will and I knew that she had called upon it often in her short life.

"We have a lot to do Star. We have to take you to our vet and buy you a tag - one that is shaped like a bone maybe and you will need toys too! I got a ton of books on dog training and as soon as you get settled we will work on that because I want to be able to take you for walks and to the park and stuff!"

"You decided to name her Star?"

"Yeah, one of my roomies at the hospital had a music box that played "When You Wish Upon A Star" It was a globe with a fairy inside with a wand and lots of sparkles inside. On the outside it said - Expect A Miracle. So every night before bed we would play the music box and I would look out my window at a star and hope that I would get well so I could have a dog of my own. If I didn't teach myself to expect that - to see it in my mind - I don't think I would be here."

Part 6 - A New Leash on Life

My life has changed a lot - first of all I have a new name. My people call me Star and I think that will be the one that sticks - I hope so because I like it best of all because my girl was the first one to call me that.

I have a home ! I live inside with my girl and my people. I not only have one leash - I have a lot of them! I go for walks all the time now and there is not a dog that I meet that is more special than me - in fact sometimes I see other dogs and I know that they envy me. I hope that they will have their chance to shine too.

When I first met my girl I could tell that she did not feel all that good but now she is strong. I think it is from the walks we go on and the way we run in the park.

I also think she got better because I make very sure to protect her. I am especially careful at night because I know how scary it can be alone in the dark. I sleep right next to her so she never has to be frightened. Her parents thought I should sleep in another room in a crate but I think that I finally got them to see that the place for me is right next to my girl.

My girl makes sure that I know important things - like how to sit(I let her think she taught me that) and stay and fetch and catch a frisbee. She took me to this place where a lady made me do all sorts of things that my girl had taught me. She also did new things like make loud noises and roughed me up and left me alone in a room for a little while (I was not crazy about THAT part) What I got from all this is that I am a Canine Good Citizen which I guess is a really good thing.

THEN I ended up going through the same basic stuff AGAIN. I did it for my girl. This time the words Therapy Dog were used a lot. My girl was extremely happy then.

I help my girl babysit. Sometimes the kids are a little wild so I know that my girl needs me to keep them in line.

I have so many toys that sometimes I get a headache figuring out which one to play with next. When company comes over I always bring my collection to them so they will be impressed. My favorite toy to show them is the one that I like to bury in the backyard - the dirt raises the value a lot because it gives it a very interesting texture and smell.

I do not know what will happen next but I know that with my family behind me that I can face anything.

All I wanted was someone to be nice to me but I got so much more than that!

Part 7 A Life Well Lived

Before Sarah and her family left the shelter that day we exchanged addresses. Sarah sent me letters fairly regularly at first. After a while that dwindled down to just a Christmas card but she was always kind enough to send me a picture to add to my Star Photo Gallery. When I moved I made sure to send on my new address because the card and picture was a nice way to end my year - seeing Sarah and Star happy and healthy together was a Christmas present that was priceless to me.

I never told Sarah that I had made up my mind to adopt Star myself. I was going to fill out the paperwork when I saw her and her parents down the corridor. As good of a home as I would have given her I know that she ended up where she truly belonged.

After many years I received a letter in the Fall and I knew without opening it the news that it would contain. I stared at Sarah's beautiful handwriting, so different from the childish scrawl that it once was, and the words blurred.

Finally I opened the envelope:

Dear ______,

I just wanted to write you a final letter thanking you for helping me find my Star. I think this might be the first time that I ever actually told you that - it is not because I was not grateful, it was only that I knew that you understood already. But now is the time for saying thanks and for acknowledging the blessing that Star was and is.

I write the word "was" because two nights ago her beautiful spirit left her body and went to dance among the other stars. I hope they will not be too envious if she outshines them all.

It hurts to know that I cannot reach out and pet her anymore (she was always by my side) but I know that her body was no longer a comfortable place to be. Every day with her was a gift and her final gift to me was typical Star. I was so terrified of having to make the decision to say goodbye and I saw it hanging over me, lurking around the corner but My Star died peacefully in her sleep, in her favorite spot in bed - right between me and my husband. Dan likes - liked - to joke that the best method of birth control was a stubborn, spoiled dog in the center of the bed.

Star always shared my bed with me. I never thought of asking her to sleep anywhere else. I liked to think that I could keep her safe there and keep the bad dreams and painful memories away. I sure hope that it worked.

I want you to know just how special Star was. Up until just a few months ago she kept up her therapy work on the children's floor of the hospital. Star loved everyone but she just seemed to have a special affinity for children and I know that she gave countless of them the will to heal and many others happy childhood memories before their short lives ended. My one regret is that my children will never know her in the flesh although I plan on telling them all about her.

Star gave me more than I gave her although I am sure some will disagree. Stars guided ships for centuries and that is why I know I name her correctly because she gave my life a direction. When I met her I was lost, my only identity was a survivor of a disease, but Star showed me a bright future, a future helping others. I set my course based on her example of love given freely.

She taught me that holding a grudge serves no purpose and I honestly believe that she would have with her last ounce of life reached out to those that had hurt her and would have offered them love. I cannot hate them because I pity them - how could I not pity them as I would pity anyone that threw away a friend with a value beyond comprehension. I also thank them because their trash was my treasure.

I wanted you to know because you were there at the start of our journey, Star's and mine, and it is only right that you know that she had to go on ahead. She finished what she came here to do and now it is my job to carry on and fulfill my purpose which is now so clear.

On the day that I open my veterinary practice on the wall will be her picture and these words " ... without a guiding light I would have had to travel alone in the dark but because a Star shone bright the path was made clear."

Thank You and Best Wishes Always,
Sarah

The End

Written by 'Chelle May � 1998