The following are some amusing little pieces relating to genealogy. Hope you enjoy them
AMUSING TOMBSTONE INSCRIPTIONS
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
The Good Die Young.
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
For not rising.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in
the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery
in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
"I told you I was sick!"
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that
sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
Than he could pay.
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
But does he make house calls? Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas:
You know you are a Genealogy addict when....
... You brake for libraries.
.... You hyperventilate at the sight of an old cemetery.
.... You would rather browse in a cemetery than a shopping mall.
.... You would rather read census schedules than a good book.
.... You are more interested in what happened in 1699 than in 1999.
.... Eenrum, Baflo and Groningen are household names, but you can't remember what to call the dog.
.... You store your clothes under the bed (or wear the same two outfits to save space), because your closet is full of books and papers.
.... All your correspondence begins with "Dear Cousin".
.... You have traced every one of your ancestral lines back to Adam and Eve, you have it documented and still don't want to quit.
.... Your most important social life is meeting people who you run into while searching a family line.
There's been a change in Grandma, we've noticed her of late.
She always reading history or jotting down some date.
She's tracking back the family, we'll all have pedigrees.
Oh, Grandma's got a hobby - she's climbing FAMILY TREES.
Poor Grandpa does the cooking, and now, or so he states,
That worst of all, he has to wash the cups and dinner plates.
Grandma can't be bothered, she busy as a bee,
Compiling genealogy for the FAMILY TREE.
She has no time to babysit, the curtains are a fright,
No buttons left on Grandpa's shirt, the flower bed's a sight.
She's given up her club work and the soaps on TV,
The only thing she does nowadays is climb the FAMILY TREE.
She goes down to the courthouse and studies ancient lore,
We know more about our forebears than we ever knew before.
The books are old and dusty, they make poor Grandma sneeze,
A minor irritation when you're climbing the FAMILY TREE.
The mail is all for Grandma, it comes from near and far,
Last week she got the proof she needs to join the D.A.R.
A monumental project all do agree,
All from climbing up the FAMILY TREE.
Now some folks came from Scotland, some from Galway Bay,
Some were French as pastry, some German all the way.
Some went West to stake there claims, some stayed there by the sea.
Grandma hopes to find them all, as she climbs the FAMILY TREE.
She wanders through the graveyard in search of date and name,
The rich, the poor, the in-between, all sleeping there the same.
She pauses now and then to rest, fanned by a gentle breeze,
That blows above the Fathers of all our FAMILY TREES.
Who blazed the paths of wilderness and fought through thick and thin.
But none more staunch than Grandma, whose eyes light up with glee,
Each time she finds a missing branch for the FAMILY TREE.
Their skills were wide and varied, from carpenter to cook,
And one, alas, the records show, was hopelessly a crook.
Blacksmith, weaver, farmer, judge - some tutored for a fee.
Once lost in time, now all recorded on the FAMILY TREE.
To some it's just a hobby, to Grandma it's much more,
She learns the joys and heartaches of those that went before.
They loved, they lost, they laughed, they wept - and now, for you
They live again in spirit, around the FAMILY TREE.
Life will be the same again, this we all supposed.
Grandma will cook and sew, serve cookies with our tea.
We'll all be fat, just as before the wretched FAMILY TREE.
We talked about the Gospel, and other things as well.
The heathen folk, the poor and then - twas fate, it had to be,
Somehow the conversation turned to Grandma and the FAMILY TREE.
He never knew his Grandpa, his mother's name was.....Clark?
He and Grandma talked and talked, while outside it grew dark.
We'd hoped our fears were groundless, but just like some disease,
Grandma's become an addict - she's hooked on FAMILY TREES.
Our ears could scarce believe the words we heard our Grandma say,
"It sure is a lucky thing that you have come to me,
I know exactly how it's done. I'll climb your FAMILY TREE.
MY OWN GRANDPA
Many many years ago
When I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon they two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
by Lonzo and Oscar
MURPHY'S LAW FOR GENEALOGISTS!
4) You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you weren't interested in genealogy then.
5) The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.
8) Your great grandfather's newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of records.
9) The keeper of the vital records you need has just been insulted by another genealogist.
10) The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.
16) No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, owned property, was sued, or was named in wills.
17) You learn that your great aunt's executor just sold her life's collection of family genealogical materials to a flea market dealer "somewhere in New York City."
19) The 37-volume, 16,000-page history of your county of origin isn't indexed.
20) You finally find your great grandparent's wedding records and discover that the bride's father was named John Smith.
- author unknown
SEARCHING FOR AN ANCESTOR
by Merrell Kenworthy
I went searching for an ancestor
I cannot find him still
He moved around from place to place
And did not leave a will.
He married where the courthouse burned
He mended all his fences
He avoided any man who came
To take the U.S. Census.
He always kept his luggage packed
This man who had no fame
And every twenty years or so
This rascal changed his name.
His parents came from Europe
They should be on some list
Of passengers to the U.S.A.
But somehow they got missed.
And no one else in this world
Is searching for this man
So I play geneasolitare
To find him if I can.
I'm told he's buried in a plot
With tombstone, he was blessed
But weather took engraving
And some vandals took the rest.
He died before the county clerks
Decided to keep records
No family bible has been found
In spite of all my efforts.
To top it off, this ancestor,
Who caused me many groans
Just to give me one more pain
Betrothed a girl named "Jones"
TEN TOP INDICATORS THAT YOU’VE BECOME A GENEAHOLIC
10. You introduce your daughter as your descendent.
9. You've never met any of the people you send e-mail to, even though you're related.
8. You can recite your lineage back eight generations, but can't remember your nephew's name.
7. You have more photographs of dead people than living ones.
6. You've ever taken a tape recorder and/or notebook to a family reunion.
5. You've not only read the latest GEDCOM standard, but also you understand it.
4. The local genealogy society borrows books from you.
3. The only film you've seen in the last year was the 1880 census index.
2. More than half of your CD collection is made up of marriage records or pedigrees.
1. Your elusive ancestor has been spotted in more different places than Elvis!
by Mary H. Harris