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What
to do about the Black Sheep
The
Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors
had come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included
Senators and Wall Street wizards. Now they decided to compile
a family history, a legacy for the children. They hired a fine
author. Only one problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle
who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could
handle that chapter of history tactfully. The book appeared.
It said, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics
at an important government institution, was attached to his
position by the strongest of ties and ... his death came as
a real shock."
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QUARANTINED!
for Genealogy Fever
The
inhabitants of this place have been stricken with GENEALOGY
FEVER, a deadly infectious disease.
SYMPTOMS:
Notepapers stuffed in pockets and files; heart palpitations
at the sight of gravestones and old trunks filled with letters;
bloodshot eyes from excessive microfilm exposure; erratic speech
patterns punctuated with pilgrims and princes; cold sweat upon
the arrival of the mail.
INCURABLE!
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Elusive
Ancestor
by Merrell Kenworthy
I went searching for an ancestor. I cannot find him still. He
moved around from place to place and did not leave a will. He
married where a courthouse burned. He mended all his fences.
He avoided any man who came to take the U.S. Census.
He
always kept his luggage packed, this man who had no fame. And
every 20 years or so, this rascal changed his name. His parents
came from Europe. They should be upon some list of passengers
to U.S.A., but somehow they got missed.
And
no one else in this world is searching for this man. So, I play
geneasolitaire to find him if I can. I'm told he's buried in
a plot, with tombstone he was blessed; but the weather took
engraving, and some vandals took the rest.
He
died before the county clerks decided to keep records. No Family
Bible has emerged, in spite of all my efforts. To top it off
this ancestor, who caused me many groans, Just to give me one
more pain, betrothed a girl named JONES.
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I
Am My Own Grandpa!
author unknown
Many
many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon
the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed
my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's
wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me
joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little
baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that
also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who,
of course, was my stepmother. Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he
was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And
it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She's my
grandmother too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her
grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me
wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
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The
Cost of Living?
"It's
hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial cost
and blame it on the cost of living!"
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Do
you have other funny little Genealogy related jokes and stories
like this?
Send
them to me.
I'd
love to put them on this page.
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Genealogy
One Liners for your e-mail signature.
1. My family
coat of arms ties at the back... is that normal?
2. My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated.
3. My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!
4. Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
5. My hobby is genealogy, I raise dust bunnies as pets.
6. How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE??
7. I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
8. I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged.
9. I'm searching for myself; Have you seen me?
10. If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help...
11. Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to
two more!
12. It's 2000... Do you know where your-Gr-Gr-Grandparents are?
13. A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
14. A family tree can wither if nobody tends it's roots.
15. A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.
16. After 30 days, unclaimed ancestors will be adopted
17. Am I the only person up my tree... sure seems like it.
18. Any family tree produces some lemons, some nuts and a few
bad apples.
19. Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?
20. FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
21. Gene-Allergy: It's a contagious disease, but I love it.
22. Genealogists are time unravelers.
23. Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide... I
seek!
24. Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
25. "Crazy" is a relative term in my family.
26. A pack rat is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
27. I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.
28. I Should have asked them BEFORE they died!
29. I think my ancestors had several "Bad heir" days.
30. I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the JUNEflower.
31. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.
32. Share your knowledge; it is a way to achieve immortality.
33. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act
like fools!
34. It's an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening
or a thief
35. Many a family tree needs pruning.
36. Shh! Be very, very quiet.... I'm hunting forebears.
37. Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
38. That's strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN!
39. I'm not sick, I've just got fading genes.
40. Genealogists live in the past lane.
41. Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots!
42. Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.
43. All right! Everybody out of the gene pool!
44. Always willing to share my ignorance...
45. Documentation... The hardest part of genealogy.
46. Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!
47. Genealogy... will I ever find time to mow the lawn again?
48. That's the problem with the gene pool: NO Lifeguards.
49. I researched my family tree... and apparently I don't exist!
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