Comments: Authenticated sender is <bhold@[199.125.139.10]>
Organization: Genealogy
Priority: normal
'Twas the night before Christmas
and Santa's a wreck.
How to live in a world
that's politically correct?
Four reindeer just vanished,
without much propriety,
released to the wilds
by the Humane Society.
His workers no longer
would answer to "Elves",
"vertically challenged"
they were now calling themselves.
Both the hours and conditions
at the North Pole
were alleged by their union
to stifle the soul.
Equal Employment had
already made it clear:
he had better not employ
only reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner,
Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs -
you think that looked stupid?
All the runners
were removed from Santa's sleigh;
the ruts were deemed dangerous
by the E.P.A.
Besides, people had started
to call for the cops,
when they heard sled noises
on their roof-tops.
To demonstrate the strangeness
of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing...
unauthorized use of his nose;
He went on Geraldo;
and in front of the nation
he demanded a couple million
in compensation.
Half the reindeer were gone;
along with his wife,
who suddenly decided
she'd had enough of his life.
She joined a self-help group,
and left in a whiz,
demanding forevermore
he address her as Ms.
As for the gifts,
why, he had ne'er a notion
that making a choice
could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather,
nothing of fur,
this meant nothing for him,
and nothing for her.
Nothing that might be
construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim.
Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored
or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls,
or just for the boys.
Nothing that hinted
of being gender specific.
And nothing that's warlike
or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...
they're bad for the tooth.
And nothing that seems to
embellish a truth.
So Santa just stood there,
disheveled, perplexed;
he simply couldn't figure out
what to do next.
He tried to be merry,
he tried to be gay,
but one has to be careful
with that word today.
His sack was quite empty,
flung on the ground;
could anything acceptable
ever be found?
Something special was needed,
a gift that he might
give to all without angering
the left or the right.
An offering that would satisfy,
with no indecision,
each group of people,
every religion.
So here is his gift,
it's price beyond worth:
"May you and your loved ones
enjoy peace on earth."