An Ox By Any Other Name
Old Sam's Sweet Revenge

In 1840, much as is done today, those in authority became the butt of humour, anger and vented frustration giving rise to humorous and interesting anecdotes. One such story concerns the penchant of the "Bench of Magistrates" to impose large fines in almost every case brought before them regardless of severity or mitigating circumstances. Amounts of between �3 and �5 were imposed for drunkenness and breaches of the peace and anything between �5 and �10 for common assault.

Many citizens complained of the arbitrary nature of the proceedings in the County Court and of the "summary infliction of large fines in almost every case". Nothing, however, was done as none knew how to have these concerns investigated  and as "money was plentiful in those early days" it seems the payment of such fines was considered more a personal slight than a financial imposition.

One such resident, a "drunken foul-mouthed bullock driver from a neighbouring Colony" frequently found himself in a situation of having to make a contribution to the public purse. Although a master at his profession he spent his leisure hours consuming large quantities of liquor. As such he frequently found himself before the Magistrates and, although he paid his fines regularly and without complaint, the manner in which they were imposed rankled. His revenge was humorous, pointed and, no doubt personally sweet.

"Old Sam" as he was known named each of his bullocks after a Magistrate before whom he had appeared and by whom he had been offended. He soon had a team named after every Magistrate to sit on the bench at the County Court and he could often be seen avenging himself on the broad backs of his bullocks "Shortland", "Smart", "Best", "Cole", "Murphey " and "Halswell" while sending forth a string of vulgar epithets. Sam changed the names of his bullocks to match the most recent magistrates to sit on the bench and have the dubious honour to fine Old Sam.

One story told of Sam by Jerningham Wakefield relates a meeting between Sam and Willoughby Shortland (Colonial Secretary and Chief Magistrate) on the beach near present day Lambton Quay. Sam was abusing a bullock named "Shortland", threatening to remove it's tail or whip it's skin off if it refused to move. Shortland asked if Sam's comments were directed at him and was told that Sam was driving his bullocks and it was none of Shortland's business. The Colonial Secretary hurriedly retreated before a crowd who openly showed their enjoyment at the impromptu entertainment.

NB Sam's full name was Samuel Phelp's. He was the first person to drive a bullock team from Port Nicholson to Petone (Source: New Zealand Gazette 1841)