Momma
Jimmie Lillian Wilson Vance
Jimmie Lillian Wilson (my momma) was born 9 November 1932 in Peeler Bend Community of Saline County, Arkansas. Her parents were James Daniel “Jim” Wilson and Lillian Gertrude Peeler Wilson. Her first name was the feminine version of her daddy James, and her middle name was her momma's first name. When she was born there were eight older brothers and sisters. She used to say she was the ninth child of eleven born on the ninth day of the eleventh month. Her siblings were James David Wilson, Shirley Marie Wilson, Roland Lee Wilson, Vera Ann Wilson, Eara Ellen Wilson, Martin Rudolph Wilson, Frances Dolly Irene Wilson, Mary Lou Wilson. When she was about 2 ˝ years old, her little sister Violet was born. Violet was sick all her life and had to use a walker to walk. She died right before her fourth birthday in 1939.
Her mother, Lillian, was born 9 February 1899 in Saline County. Her poppa, James Daniel Wilson, was born 11 January 1894. He died 24 April 1937 when she was only four years old from an infection on his face. Momma told me he had cut himself shaving, and it got infected. Grandpa Wilson is buried in Peeler Bend Cemetery. She loved her poppa and missed him a whole lot. That left my grandmother with ten children and a widow in the middle of the 1930s. Like many Southern women, she had no working skills. She cleaned for people, and the whole family would go up to Missouri and pick cotton to help with the family expenses. They were a very poor family. The oldest son David married Mae Heath in September 1937 leaving Granny with only nine children to care for. A couple of months later, Shirley married James Edward Langley and now there were only eight children. The baby, Violet, died in 1939. She had "water on the brain" and was never able to even walk. Momma was then the baby of the family.
They did not have much money, but there was a lot of love in that household. Momma learned at a very young age to take care of what she had and was responsible for making sure her dress was clean for the next day of school. She attended school at New Prospect which was in Peeler Bend. She walked to school each day along with her other brothers and sisters.
Her momma later married Samuel David Nalley, and they had Samuel Joseph “Sam” Nalley, her little brother. After her mother and Samuel married, they moved to East Sevier Street in Benton, and she attended school in Benton.
Momma's step-daddy (Samuel David Nalley) died in 1955, and Granny Nalley died March 1988. They are both buried in Hicks Cemetery in Benton.
Momma told me that when she was about 12 years old or so, she had a bad bicycle wreck and hurt her head. After her recovery, Momma's step-daddy said she had been out of school so long that maybe she should go to work. She went to work at the café with her older sisters. She was working at a café and met Willie Vance, my daddy. She and Daddy married 5 November 1949, a few days before her 17th birthday.
They lived in a rented house on Lillian Street in Benton when they first married. Daddy had been renting a room from Leonard and Marge Cathcart in that house. Leonard got a new job, and Daddy decided to rent the house himself. Momma always said that Daddy couldn't pay the rent and asked her to marry him. (I hope that was a joke.) A man named Clyde rented a room from them. I cannot remember his last name. They built a house on Circle Drive and moved into it about 1951 along with Clyde. I was born soon after moving to Circle Drive and my brother, John, was born three years later.
Momma was an at-home mother and very involved in her family. She was always there, and was a very loving mother. Even though Momma and Daddy did not have a lot either, she always saw to it that I had pretty clothes and the toys that I wanted. She never forgot those "lean" days of her childhood.
They lived on Circle Drive until about 1957 when they built a house on Rio Grande in Benton. It was brick with three bedrooms and 1 ˝ bathrooms and was larger than the little house on Circle Drive.
My dad had a heart attack when I was about ten years old, and Momma stayed at the hospital with him his entire stay. Back then, they were kept in the hospital for quite a while. He was not able to work for months. She kept us all together and tried to keep us from being scared due to daddy's frail health. He regained his strength, went back to work and she also went to work. She worked for a few years and then came back home again. When I was about 14, she began working again at a shoe store in Benton as a clerk where she worked for several years.
They lived there until 1967 and built a house on Pinewood Drive in Benton. It was a three-bedroom brick with two bathrooms, a living room with dining area, eat-in kitchen, and a family room.
They were living there when my brother and I married and moved away from home.
Daddy retired about 1991, and they built a home on his family’s farm in Owensville. Mother enjoyed planting a garden, raising beautiful flowers, and helping Daddy with the cattle. She became involved with the Owensville Extension Club, and they attended Owensville Baptist Church. They were living on the farm when he died July 2010.
Momma had been taking care of Daddy 24 hours a day, seven days a week. She had begun getting forgetful, but we thought it was due to her being so tired. While Daddy was at Saline County Hospice, the doctor there suggested we have Momma evaluated for dementia. I took her for an evaluation which took several months. At the end of the evaluation, she was diagnosed with dementia - probable Alzheimer's.
Momma lived on the farm until she began going outside after sundown. She couldn't remember her address. On Thanksgiving Day, she asked me, "Whose house is this?" I told her, "Your house, Momma." She did not believe me. She was having trouble dialing the telephone and many of her calls ended up being operator assisted (even calling my brother and sister-in-law next door) as she could not dial the phone correctly. She did not understand about calling 911 in an emergency. Sadly, my brother and I decided to move her to Fox Ridge December 2013. It was a beautiful facility, and she was in the assisted living section. She never got used to Fox Ridge as she could not remember where she was or why she was there. She stayed at Fox Ridge until January 2014 and moved to Southern Trace in Bryant after she broke her hip. Her health went downhill very quickly. Late April 2014, she moved to Quapaw Care and Rehabilitation in Hot Springs to be closer to me where she passed away 15 May 2014.
Momma's only siblings still living are Irene, Mary Lou, Sam.
From my blog Patti's Thoughts (25 August 2011):
I guess I was one of those typical teenage girls. I didn't like my
mother. Well, maybe that is not the correct way to say it. We just did not
see eye to eye. I look back and wonder why. My mother did everything for
me. As I was growing up, we were not wealthy. We probably were not even
middle class, but I certainly did not know it. If I needed something, I
always got it. If I wanted something, I almost always got it.
Then there
was the love. There was lots of it. I think my parents told me every single
day that they loved me. If they didn't, I think they did. If it was
not in words, it was in something else they did or said.
When I look
back, my parents were not particularly strict except in some things. They
had some strange ideas: nice girls did not wear bangs. I have no idea where
that idea came from, but my parents did not want me to have my hair in my
face. (Now that I am an adult, I wear bangs - probably because I could not
back then.) Another one of my mother's odd rules: nice girls did not
wear colored underwear. I had nothing but white cotton underpants - the
brief kind.
My mother's specialty, however, was making memories.
We had Christmases that I think of almost every day. It was not the presents;
it was the presentation. One year I got a package of gum for Christmas.
I looked at it and said, "Thank you." Then I knew: another presentation.
I looked closely, really closely, as she had opened that package of gum
so carefully that it was not apparent at first sight. After opening the
package, I still had to look very closely to notice that every single piece
was opened. I pulled out a piece of that gum and, wow, there was money.
There was money in every single wrapper! I opened another package and instead
of a gift there was a note: get up from the chair (oh, yeah, I forgot -
she always told everyone where to sit), walk five steps straight ahead,
turn left, and so on. I finally got to the place and there was a microwave
hidden away in the utility room. I always liked those wonderful presents,
but I loved the presentation.
When my children were young, their dad
and I divorced. They were with me that first Christmas, so it was still
a good holiday. The next Christmas, however, they were to spend with their
dad. I knew it was going to be awful. I dreaded that day for months. Finally,
the day arrived. The girls opened their gifts, and their dad came to get
them. (We were already at Mother and Daddy's.) After we had our Christmas
lunch, Mother said, "Get up, we're going to the store." My
mother worked at one of the local shoe stores. She had gotten permission
from the owner of the store to take me even though they were closed. We
spent several hours in that store in Christmas afternoon with my trying
on every single pair of shoes in my size, and she bought me several pairs.
I cannot even remember how many. My mother, in her own way, made a Christmas
day I had been dreading for months the most memorable one of my life. It
still was not perfect: I did not get to spend it with my girls, but it was
special as I got to spend it with the lady who gave me life and a joy for
life.
Now, I am much older. My daddy passed away last year, and my mother
is not the same as she was before. Her memory is fading, and it makes me
so very sad. The person who gave me the best memories I have is losing hers.
Momma was one of those women that everyone would like to be like. She could do anything. She was a great cook. People came for miles for her fried pies, and her chicken and dumplings were unbelievable. She could sew and grew beautiful flowers. When I was about four years old, she built me a beautiful playhouse. She was a beautiful woman but never seemed to worry about her looks. She was meticulous, however, in seeing to it that her face was clean and moisturized at night. She had no wrinkles until she began caring for Daddy day and night. She had a very strong resemblance to Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. She always laughed when anyone mentioned the resemblance. Her laugh was strong - from the gut! She was certainly a "mother of all trades." She was not perfect. She was apt to worry. We used to say she worried about what she was going to worry about next. However, I was certainly fortunate to have been given such a loving and thoughtful mother, and I miss her each and every day.
MEMORIES of Momma by Others
She and Aunt Mary Lou were always so very special to me. After I had the twins and didn't go back to work, we spent a lot of time at Meme's and the sisters got together pretty regularly to cook. From the time Jon and Kane were little they would look at Meme and then Aunt Jimmie and then back again to Meme. They really did resemble one another. They began to refer to them as Meme and "udder (other) Meme." She was so good to all of us. I loved going to the shoe store to buy shoes from Aunt Jimmie. And going over to play with Neecy and Lauri at Uncle Willie's and Aunt Jimmie's. When Blaine was born she made me two pretty little cotton blankets, one yellow and one white, kind of like sheets. He loved them and I used them with the twins, too. I still have them and someday I'll use them with my grandchildren. They were made with love and they have seen much love from three boys and this momma. Shannon (Momma's great-niece)