Rules for cats who have a house to run
Here are some basic rules that we,Buttons,Leo and Smokey,as rulers of our house   have compiled to keep things (humans) in order. I hope that you find them as beneficial as we have.

Doors
** Do not allow closed doors in any room.
** To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.
** Once a door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.
** After you have ordered an "outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things.
** This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow or mosquito season.

Chairs and Rugs
** If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.
** If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.
** If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.
** When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Bathrooms
** Always accompany guests to the bathroom.
** It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

Walking
** As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially:
*** On Stairs
*** When they have something in their arms
*** In the dark
*** When they first get up in the morning
*** The above will help their coordination skills

Bedtime
** Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

Toys
** Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably ouraged when the human grabs you and takes it away.

** Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys.

** Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can't play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.

** Dangly and/ or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental floss also make excellent toys. When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose your Dignity.

Food
** When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of you tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
** Never eat from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table.
** Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent -- your food will usually not be so polite and try to leave.

Humans
** Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.    

You will then have a smooth running house