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Life sucks... then you become abiotic" -Mrs. McLenon (Science teacher) "Never stand when you can sit. Never sit when you can lie down." -Sir Winston Churchill, explaining his longevity (he died at age 90) "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" -unknown "No amount of planning can ever replace dumb luck" - a sign hanging in our basement "Why worry? Either you will be well, or you will be sick. If you are well, then there is no reason to worry. If you are sick, you will either get well or you will die. If you get well, then there is no reason to worry. If you die, you will either go to heaven or go to hell. If you go to heaven, then there is no reason to worry. If you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with friends that you won't have any time to worry..." -Irish proverb "Lets analyze that" -Bumpa "They could not hit an elephant at this distance!" -Union General John Segdwick moments before being fatally shot by a Confederate sharpshooter, 1864. Really, he actually said that... "The more you read the more you know. Knowledge is power. Power Corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime does not pay. Therefore, the more you read, the poorer you are." -Dilbert "Whenever you need a helping hand, just look at the end of your arm." -A really, really bad song my Dad used to sing (circa 1960 something...) "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" -Ben Franklin (just remember, this is the same guy who wanted his tombstone to read "Here lies the body of B. Franklin, printer, food for worms..." etc. and who wrote an essay called "On Choosing a Mistress" "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -Dan Quayle (who else...) "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." -yup, you guessed it, Dan again... "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -Bill Gates 1981 "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -President and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -Popular Mechanics, 1949 "When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car." -unknown "Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense." -unknown "Join the army: meet interesting people, then kill them." -unknown "A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin." -H. L. Menecken "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky." -not exactly profound but 20 years from now its all anyone will remember about our former fearless leader, Bill Clinton "To successfully keep robbers out of your house put six locks on your door. When you go out, lock every other one. No matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." -unknown "Grave: the place where the corpse awaits the coming of the medical student" -Ambrose Bierce "If your family had lived here in Maine since 1625 and you were born in an ambulance 5 minutes away from the state line as your Mom and Dad rushed back home after visiting friends in New Hampshire, you're still from away." -Bruce Babb, expaining the meaning of being a Maine native "Click here to return to my homepage." -Jim Miller |
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