• Cogito ergo spud. (I think, therefore I yam.)
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• Some people age like a very old wine - sour and loose in the cork.
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• You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
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• People who live in glass houses might as well answer the doorbell. Your Callers know you're home.
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• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask.
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• Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
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• If all be true that I do think, there are 5 reasons we should drink good wine, a friend, or being dry, or lest we should be by and by; or any other reason why. --Saw at an Italian Restaurant in Oklahoma City
• Never ask a person if they come from Texas. If they do, they will tell you. If they do not, why humiliate them?
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• A man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. Mark Twain
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• The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today's work superbly well. Sir William Osler
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• Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
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• A problem is a chance to do your best.
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• If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you are right.
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• Wherever you go, there you are.
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• Men are only after one thing....the TV remote.

• I talk to myself because I like conversing with a better class of people.

• Any Woman's Ultimate Fantasy is to have two men at once: One cooking and the other cleaning.
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• I love a man with dishpan hands.
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• A man was never shot while doing the dishes.
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• A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh!!!
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• The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it. Shirley McLaine
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• Magic is the art of changing nothing into something.
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• Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, Your're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.

• I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin
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• I have not failed 10,000 times, I have successfully found 10,000 ways that do not work. --Thomas Edison
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• It takes a simple thing that confounds the wise. --Bible
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• The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
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• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
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• People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like. --A. Lincoln
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• I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
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• Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending.
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• Nothing is as hard to do gracefully, as getting down off your high horse.
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• Living right doesn't make you live longer. It just seems like longer.
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• Too much of a good thing is...wonderful!
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• Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
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• A conclusion is simply the place where you've gotten tired of thinking.
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• Someday is not a day of the week.
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• He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
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• Diplomacy is yawning without opening your mouth.
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• If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
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• The truth is out there, trust no one, deny everything.
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• We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. --Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
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• Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
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• to be nobody but yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. --e.e. cummings

• Beauty is temporary but stupidity is forever.
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• Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
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• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
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• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
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• If everything is going well, you don't know what is going on.
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• The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
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• Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
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• Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.

• If you eject a disk from your disk drive and did not meant to do it or eject it so fast, is this called premature ejectulation?

The A - Z of Friendship

A Friend....

(A)ccepts you as you are

(B)elieves in "you"

(C)alls you just to say "HI"

(D)oesn't give up on you

(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

(F)orgives your mistakes

(G)ives unconditionally

(H)elps you

(I)nvites you over

(J)ust "be" with you

(K)eeps you close at heart

(L)oves you for who you are

(M)akes a difference in your life

(N)ever Judges

(O)ffers support

(P)icks you up

(Q)uiets your fears

(R)aises your spirits

(S)ays nice things about you

(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it

(U)nderstands you

(V)alues you

(W)alks beside you

(X)-plain things you don't understand

(Y)ells when you won't listen and

(Z)aps you back to reality

• To Achieve Your Dream Remember Your ABC's

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

Believe in yourself.

Consider things from every angle.

Don't give up and don't give in.

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.

Family and friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches.

Give more than you planned to.

Hang on to your dreams.

Ignore those who try to discourage you.

Just do it.

Keep trying no matter how hard it seems. It will get easier.

Love yourself first and most.

Make it happen.

Never lie, cheat or steal. Always strike a fair deal.

Open your eyes and see things as they really are.

Practice makes perfect.

Quitters never win and winners never quit.

Read, study and learn about everything important in your life.

Stop procrastinating.

Take control of your own destiny.

Understand yourself in order to better understand others.

Visualize it.

Want it more than anything.

Xcellerate your efforts.

You are unique. Nothing can replace YOU.

Zero in on your target, and go for it!!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. And, as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to be the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other peoples gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple. --Jenny Joseph

• Don't squat with your spurs on.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him...........The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
• Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
• There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.