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December 1, 2009

“Meet me in St. Louis,” “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “A Christmas Story,” are just some of the favorite movies, not to mention “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” that were on Jay’s hit list each season. These movies were not watched once, twice or three times. If it was on, you can bet that Jay would have it on his must watch list.

Even before Thanksgiving was over, Jay was planning Christmas.   The very first day after the turkey was put away, plans were being made to get the Christmas tree.   Each year we would make our trek to the People’s Church Christmas tree lot to find that special tree….

Ok…you now have the picture of picking out the “best, just right” pumpkin, the “perfect” turkey, now here’s a story about the Christmas tree.

We arrive at the Christmas tree lot the first day after Thanksgiving.   All the trees are up ready for early shoppers.   We start with the average priced trees…about 4-5 feet.   Jay begins pulling one tree out after another.   Walking around, sizing them up for any imperfections.   After awhile deciding these won’t work…it’s to the taller trees…6-8 feet.   Now, there’s a tree!

Again, we pull them out, sizing them up, walking around each one.   (One would think this was a once in a lifetime purchase!)   After going through not three or four trees…try a dozen or more…looking behind you, you have to imagine seeing several trees completely out of line from their display. Regardless, “we” decide on that “perfect” tree. It is just over 7 feet, beautiful limbs, perfect and full.

Total time searching and sizing and viewing…well over an hour...all in fun, laughter and good old "Christmas spirit." Got the tree!   In the SUV it goes…just barely and home we go.

Jay has an exuberance about him when it comes to Christmas.   The tree, the lights, the decorations, it’s what made Christmas, Christmas!   His spirits were lifted beyond description.   His mother Charlotte recently made an observation:

“I remember how Jay would clap his hands with the thought of every holiday. He just couldn't express his delight enough. Even if everyone around him wasn't that thrilled, his clapping those hands had to make every one excited.   When he was happy, he was happy all over.”

Well put.   Merry Christmas everyone!   May this Holy Season enrich each of us on the meaning of what it’s all about!

Guy

November 24, 2009

Dear Jay

Thanksgiving is here. All that I can think about is when you came home to Iowa to spend it with me. You made us your wonderful green bean dish with bacon, nuts, and cheese. That's just one of the wonderful dishes that you shared with me and my family.

I guess what I really wanted to do is start from the beginning: Jay you are such a huge part of my life. You have always been a very special person and I am so lucky that God gave you to me in a brother.

There are so many memories that I have with you and I growing up. I remember we had a piece of candy that was hard. We got a knife to cut it in half to share it. Unfortunately, we were very young and neither of us should have tried to cut it. You cut your finger badly and you carried the scar throughout your life. We rocked in the rocking chair and I was holding your finger with a cloth wrapped around it, while we were both crying. This was just the beginning.

Do you remember when we lived in the White Rock Motel? We used to ride our bikes up and down the road in front of the motel. Well, there was one day when we rode back and forth and you looked back at me to talk. When you turned around you ran into a parked trailer. Your mouth was really hurt. You had teeth that cut your upper lip and you bleed for a very long time.

How about all the days we went to the TeePee spa together to swim. We had a great time going up and down the waterslide together. I know you have gone back to visit some of the places where we used to live and remember. I think that had to be very special .I know that we talked about visiting someday together. I really wish that we had.

My memories of my childhood are filled with you. Going to milk the cows at Douglas' farm and talking to Mr. and Mrs. Douglas. We really liked the machine that separated the cream from the milk. For some reason they really liked us. Probably because we use to milk their cows.

Oh yeah, do you remember that really creepy place we used to visit that was full of pigeons. There was a really old lady that lived above in the "tower" that we visited. She was nuts!!!! I'm not even sure how safe we were. We did everything together so we were ok.

We have always been there for each other, years could go by and when we would see each other we picked up where we left off. My happiest times have been with you. You are the only one who could make me belly laugh until my muscles ached. Like the time when we met and mom's house and went to the oyster farm. I wanted us to go horseback riding and you said you wanted to see the look on the horses face when I sat on it. Mom, Belinda, Charlene, and I laughed so hard.

There are so many other things that come into my heart and mind without warning. Dad playing guitar and us all singing his fun songs together. Your big beautiful brown eyes full of love and laughter sitting on the arm of his chair.

Jay, the hardest thing for me to understand is why? Why did you not say goodbye to me? There are so many words that I needed to say to you and so many things I needed to hear from you. I know that I am being selfish, I just wasn't ready to let go. I have been numb since that phone call. My heart and my love will never be the same. How do I go on without your humor and love? I still have your name and number in my phone. I can't delete it. On a message board as you enter my house, you wrote a message to us saying:

"Hi, love you! Uncle Jay."

It's still there since 2007. My kids love you very much and will never forget you. The time that we spent together in Idaho will always be cherished. I would not trade that for anything.

I will never say goodbye to you Jay, I can't. My tears will continue to flow and my heart will continue to ache. My life on earth will never be the same without you in it. However, my days will go on and when my time comes I will see you again. We will have such a reunion that the Angels will weep with happiness and love.

I will continue to love you today, tomorrow, and Always.

Your Sister Debi

November 19, 2009

How do you summarize a lifetime of experiences with someone as incredible as Jay.

All of our childhood we had each other, Ken-Deb-Jay and I. We were more than siblings we were best friends. When you move as much as we did growing up you haven't a chance to make lasting friendships so we became best friends. I am the oldest and as such I had the responsibility of watching out for the others, especially Jay because he was the baby. I bet I carried him a hundred miles even though I was not much bigger than he was. I felt as if he were mine and I loved him so much. He was always falling on this thing or that usually when Debi was chasing him through the house. One Christmas the tree fell on Jay completely covering him. He was not very old and was covered in ornaments and tinsel. We eventually dug him out from under it laughing all the while.

As an adult Jay and I didn't spend a lot of time together but you know it just didn't matter how long the gap between visits were. Talking to him always felt like home. He was so bright and engaging. He was probably one of the funniest human beings that ever graced this earth. His laugh was infectious. He was so much fun to be with. He loved teasing us, especially Debi. They would go at it all of the time. Mom and I would laugh so hard we hurt. Debi gave as good as she got too. They had such a unique relationship.

I could write all night about the things we did and the experiences we've shared.

Jay filled my heart and will always and forever be with me in my memories. I love you brother. Rest well until we can be together again.

I love you so much!

Belinda

November 14, 2009

Another holiday that Jay anticipated each year was Thanksgiving. Oh the turkey!!! The trimmings!!! And everything associated with this holiday was on his list to make happen. His turkey feast was always a project that started at least a couple of weeks in advance.

His favorite method for preparing a turkey was with brine. The first time he brined a turkey was four years ago. After watching Alton Brown’s technique on Food Network, Jay was determined to have a brined turkey. The project began by assembling all the necessary equipment, seasonings, and menu. He went to Home Depot’s paint department to select the right size 10 gallon plastic pail from the paint department to contain the turkey in the brine.

When everything was assembled, he was ready to find the right turkey. If ever one had the opportunity to shop with Jay, it was always an experience. Not just any turkey would do. It had to be the right size, perfect form and right price. If you thought searching for that Halloween pumpkin was something, try viewing a 6 foot man bending over a market’s refrigeration bin, moving one turkey over after another, after another to find that right turkey, then you will have the perfect picture of Jay in his quest. All other shoppers…stand to the side.

With turkey now in hand his menu was just beginning to take shape.   He could not leave the market until he had at least the turkey and the cranberry sauce!

His first brined turkey was an all night affair!   Mixing the ingredients together he places his turkey into a plastic bag and then into the 10 gallon pail.   There he leaves it overnight outside packed in ice, brining with the herbs, salt and broth.   Early the next morning of Thanksgiving day, Jay’s project was just beginning.   Retrieving his turkey from the brine he meticulously prepares his holiday meal.

Guy

October 20, 2009

You Can Shed Tears
by David Harkins

You can shed tears that they've gone,
Or you can smile because they have lived.

You can close your eyes and pray they'll come back,
Or you can open you eyes and see all they have left you.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see them,
Or your heart can be full of the love you've shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember them and only that they've gone,
Or you can cherish their memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
Be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what they'd want;
Smile, open your eyes, love and journey on.

October 9, 2009

<> We enter one of Jay’s favorite times of the year…the holidays!

Jay liked Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years, but especially Christmas.

Once the first pumpkin was seen in the markets, Jay would always be the first one in line to get not only one, but several pumpkins.   They had to be special pumpkins though.   The most characteristic in size, and shape was his aim and goal.    On a trip to Gilroy last year, we stopped by a market and he must have gone through every pumpkin in four large bins in front of the store to find the ones that would be just ideal for the front entry.   Those pumpkins lasted through Christmas, and beyond into the New Year!   There must be a dozen stories at least on finding the right pumpkins....   Wait till we get to the search for the right Christmas tree!   I'll hold one story until then!

Jay was also one to find the best costume for work.   Every year he got into the act for Halloween.   His work associates and residents were always perked up when Jay appeared as either a magician, policeman, Dracula, or pirate, etc! Every year there would have to be a special trip to a Halloween shop for the unique costume. His favorite shop was located in Old Town Sacramento! So, about this time of year, we would make plans for the trek north in search...usually tied to a "side trip" to Reno and Virginia City!

Guy

October 8, 2009

<>It has been six months since we said our good-byes. Jay’s memory still lingers strong with many of us. This is a testament of how strong an impact he had on each of us. In reflection, the contemplation of the value of life and the contribution it offers is beyond our understanding. We know he hasn’t really gone, for he is with us still. All it takes is to remember the places, the thoughts and the times and we are instantly with him again.

<>Each one of us must consider the value we are able to bring in our daily interaction with those near to us. We never will know when our turn will come to follow into the eternal, so, take that special moment and acknowledge in your special way those who are close to you. You will make your present more meaningful and your future for whatever it holds, well satisfied.

Guy

May 5, 2009

<> The following was received in a letter to the family from one of Jay’s work associates from Sandpoint, Idaho.   Just another example of the impression he left behind. <>

I have so many great memories of Jay…I worked with him many night shifts in the Special Care Unit of LifeCare here in Sandpoint, Idaho.   You always knew that when you worked with Jay, the shift would go fast, and that you would just laugh the whole time.   The residents adored him.   In fact, we had one lady whom none of us could get to eat anything. She was almost at the end of her journey and Jay was the only one who could get her to eat. Even if it was just hot cocoa and toast with jelly, she would eat it form him.   He had such a caring way about him, and treated ALL of us, residents and staff alike, as if we were the most special people in the place.

….I will also never be able to watch “The Sound of Music” without thinking of him. The Activities department decided once, when the TV was on the blink, to play it over and over for the residents.   They enjoyed it, but the staff had it stuck in their heads for days. We decided to cure it, buy…if you can’t beat them, join them, and walked around singing the songs to each other, making up our own little versions of what the words should say.

….Because of Jay and his encouragement, I have enrolled in school to become a Registered Nurse.   I am two years into a three year program, having had to start from scratch, and acquire credits.   Without his belief in me and his encouragement that I could do this dream, I would have settled for being a Certified Nurses Aide for the rest of my life. Jay gave me the courage to believe in my dreams and go for them….

<> These comments were received from Jenerah Hare from Priest River, Idaho. It is stories like this that keeps the memory of Jay alive and an example of how one life enter acts with another and gives meaning to the reason we are here. <>

May 4, 2009

I was fortunate enough to cross Jay's path @ SJG. He was indeed a sweet soul. Even though I wasn't as close to him as others ( possibly due to my working on the night shift) when we did cross paths he greeted me with a warm smile & a hug. He managed to bring cheer to the nurses station with his humor & wit. He is a great loss to loved ones & family. My deepest sympathy & condolences. May God grant you comfort & yet joy at his remembrance.

Patrick Bailey
Fresno, California

May 2, 2009

He was a great man and a powerful asset to Rosewood. I was privileged to watch him grow. <>

Ted Burgess, Executive Director
Bakersfield, California

May 1, 2009

We are deeply grieved to hear about the death of Jay. He was special to so many of us at San Joaquin Gardens. He always had a special smile and a word of encouragement to all he encountered. He will be greatly missed. Our prayers and thoughts are with you during this loss.

Mark Steele, Executive Director VP
San Joaqun Gardens
Fresno, California

May 1, 2009

Jay will be missed greatly, not only by me, but by many of the people who were blessed to know him. I try to believe that there is good in everything that happens, but, once again I am struggling to find it in Jays passing. He was such a beautiful soul, and so much love shone from him. I may never find the good in this, so instead, I am just remembering the wonderful person he was, and remembering all the joy he brought to those I know who knew him.

In the time I knew Jay, I had felt like I had found a friend I could talk to about ANYTHING. I have kept so many of the things we talked about close to my heart, and the advice he gave was always sound and the best thing to do. ( Unless he knew what I really needed was to either a good laugh or a good swift kick and then... well, he was good at dispensing that kind of advice also) I was known as the brat of the unit, when Jay was at LifeCare, because I was comfortable enough with it to be who I am, inside me.... the prankster was allowed to come out and play, and in fact encouraged to occasionally. Jay believed work should be FUN, and laughter healed, right along with the medications.

The short time I knew Jay, he became to me like a big brother/ best friend. I feel that it was this way for a lot of people who met Jay. He was such a caring person. He looked beyond the "wrappings" of a person, and recognized the GIFT inside each person. He had a way of encouraging each person to be that gift, and to be the best they could be, mostly by following his example.

My world is definitely a much better place for having known him...and I will always remember him, with much love and appreciation for the GIFT he was....

Jenerah
Priest River, Idaho

April 29, 2009

Beautifully written and moved me to tears!
So glad I had the opportunity to meet him once!

Co-worker of Debi (Jay’s sister)
Bev from Minnesota

April 28, 2009

Looking for the words to express a loss so strong and felt by so many, is indeed a heartfelt struggle. In my attempt to compile this memorial website, I was reminded often of the times Jay and I talked about the future and his dreams.

I’ve known Jay for fifteen years as a close personal friend. His life and mine became one over time and what we shared together will be missed immensley

Guy Stanley
Prather, California

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